Thursday, June 28, 2007


Aw, since I am feeling the love from some of my personal friends, I decided to share a little with my dear blogger friends!

Interesting Health Fact

Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve
that connects the eyeball to the anus?

It's called the Anal Optic Nerve, and it is responsible for
giving people a shitty outlook on life.

If you don't believe it, try to pull a hair from your arse and
see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Texas Tuesday: Friends

Texas Friends:

FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Always bring the food.

FRIENDS: Will say "hello".
TEXAS FRIENDS: Will give you a big hug and a kiss.

FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Call your parents Mom and Dad

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Cry with you.

FRIENDS: Will eat at your dinner table and leave.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Will spend hours there, talking, laughing and just being
together, and then clean up.

FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds' ass's that left you.

FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, "I'm home!"

FRIENDS: Are for a while.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Are for life.

Friday, June 22, 2007

X-Rated Revisited Questions & Answers, et al

Dear Readers: My apologies for neglecting you. I have been busy with numerous projects and promise to visit each of you soon. A big thank you to STARRLIGHT for mentioning me as a

Q: What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?

A: Spitting, swallowing and gargling.

Q: How do you embarrass an archeologist?

A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

A: Wiped his ass.

Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?

A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

Q: How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?

A: The cake jumps out of the girl.

Q: How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?

A: Put a nipple on it

Q: What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak

Q: How is pubic hair like parsley?

A: You push it to the side before you start eating.

Q: What do you do when your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you?

A: Shorten her chain

Q: What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?

A: They can both smell it but can't eat it.

Q: How is a woman like a condom?

A: Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

Q: What is the similarity between a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken?

A: By the time you've finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is a greasy box to pop your bone in.

Q: How are twisters (tornadoes) and marriage alike?

A: They both begin with a lot of blowing and sucking and in the end you lose your house.

Q: Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?

A: Because everybody who can run, jump, and swim are already in America.

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

Q: What's brown and often found in children's underpants?

A: Michael Jackson's hand.

Q: Why do women have two sets of lips?

A: So they can piss and moan at the same time.

Q: What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?

A: A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps with everyone at the party except you.

Monday, June 18, 2007

The Wooden Bowl

A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year-old grandson. The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered.

The family ate together at the table. But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth.

The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess. "We must do something about father," said the son. "I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor."

So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner. Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl! When the family glanced in Grandfather's direction, sometime he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or>spilled food.

The four-year-old watched it all in silence. One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, "What are you making?" Just as sweetly, the boy responded, "Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up."

The four-year-old smiled and went back to work. The words so struck the parents so that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done. That evening the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.

Friday, June 08, 2007

Friday Freakies

This guy loved his tattoo until he was convicted and sent to the penitentiary.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

What Type of Candy Are You?

(Lazy, but fun post)

You scored as 3 Musketeers, You are a 3 Musketeers. You are a very loyal and romantic person - you love to cuddle! You enjoy simple pleasures and are very content with your life. You have lots of friends and everyone you meet likes you!

3 Musketeers




Skittles/Gummi Bears


Hershey Bar


Jolly Ranchers




KitKat/Crunch Bar


Reese's Peanut Butter Cup


*What Type of Candy Are You?* (w/pics.)
created with

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Will I Live To Be 85?

(Having a mini-meltdown, so taking a mini break. Enjoy a laugh!)

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age.

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking Him, "Do you think I'll live to be 85?"

He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?"

"Oh no," I replied. "I'm not doing drugs, either!"

Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"

I said, "No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!"

"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, Hiking, or bicycling?"

No, I don't," I said.

He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"

"No," I said.

He looked at me and said, "Then, why do you even give a shit?"

Friday, June 01, 2007


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...a youth she's content to leave behind....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .....a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family..

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....a feeling of control over her destiny...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD to fall in love without losing herself..


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...that her childhood may not have been perfect...but its over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...whom she can trust,whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...where to it to her best friend's kitchen table...or a charming inn in the woods...when her soul needs soothing...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...what she can and can't accomplish in a day...a month...and a year...