Trying Again

Having not posted for so long, I dare to attempt again. Let me backtrack:

I am amidst a divorce after 18 years. Never did I imagine the actuality and all-encompassing emotions that the word "divorce" conjures. Someone dropped a bomb on my world and I am still trying to see a life through the smoke and rubble. Most days it seems easier to just wish for death, revenge....

Cliff note version: January 4, 2008, my husband filed for divorce while we were separated. He called to invite me to lunch, took the $1000 I offered him and never said a word about his morning activity. In fact he continued to play a game of working it out while screwing a co-worker at AT&T and telling her that I wouldn't sign papers. Hell, I didn't have a clue there were papers! Due to my inadequate mail service here in the sticks, I was never served papers until May. Meanwhile, Hubby was covertly doing EVERYTHING possible to get a default judgment against me while pretending to reconcile.

As soon as I received the papers indicating divorce, and I saw the original date, I was shocked but finally understood that he had plotted all this since he convinced me to move to the farm. It was all an effort to get my personal money converted to community property money, which he sucessfully helped me spend the majority of and invest in unneeded farm items. The icing was an EMAIL from him, immediately after I received the papers, telling me that he did not mean anything he had said about reconciliation and that none of his actions were intentional. How considerate was that after giving him 18 years of my life?

In my hysterics, a guardian angel was watching out for me. I hired an attorney to prepare a deed to remove his name from the farm which had been purchased with my own personal money. In doing that, the attorney was obligated by law to file an answer to his divorce petition. If this had not occurred, Hubby would have screwed me with the diseased member he is screwing "Tart" with and taken whatever he wanted from me.

Alas, $10,000 in attorney fees later and Hubby is still playing games. All I ever asked was to have my half of the tax return money he conned me out of and my car which he took from my property. I have literally begged and pleaded dozens of times for him to have grace and mercy to end this without hate and regret. Might as well expect the weather to drop 10 feet of snow in the Texas Hill Country during August.

So, here I attempt to rebuild amidst rubble. I am selling farm items, relocated most of my animals, have found a renter for the farm, and struggling each day to see hope. Having lost and/or having to give up my farm babies and face that this dream is a nightmare leaves me despondent most days. Logically, I know that there is a smorgasbord of choices for me out there but I feel like a small naked child filled with terror and mistrust in others and in myself. Most of all I do not know myself anymore (other than a foundation of honesty and compassion).

Blogging with all my fellow writers was a cup of hot chocolate during the coldest of days and I reach out now, from my isolation to reclaim my worth and place amongst the warm enveloping care that my readers once offered.

I promise to go easy on the distasteful issues regrarding divorce and disrespect and look forward to sharing my new, improving life. The second half will be the best!

Have You Been With This Male Person?

John Leslie Jobes and me in better times. Have you been screwed by him too?

TEXAS TUESDAY: Farmers Are Not Dumb

A Department of Water Resources representative stops at a Texas ranch and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for your water allocation."

The old rancher says, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there." The Water representative says, "Mister, I have the Authority of the Federal Government with me. See this card? This card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land. No questions asked or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?" The old rancher nods politely and goes about his chores.

Later, the old rancher hears loud screams and spies the Water Rep running for his life. Close behind is the rancher's bull.The bull is gaining with every step.

The Rep is clearly terrified, so the old rancher immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs,

"YOUR CARD! SHOW HIM YOUR CARD!"

Oh my word! I cannot believe it has been a year since I last posted.

Dear Hammer, thank you for checking in on me. Have all others abandoned this ship as I did?!? Actually, it has been one HELL of a year which I should relay in blog. Truly blogging is healing and supportive.

So, fellow bloggers who were so faithfully my friends, do you want to hear about my past year?

An Italian Anniversary

At the church's husband's marriage seminar, the Priest asked Luigi, on his upcoming 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Luigi replied to the audience "Well, I'v-a tried to treat-a her well, spend-a the money on her, but-a, da best-a is-a dat I took her to Italy for the 20th- anniversary!

The Priest immediately commented, "Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell the audience what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary..."

Luigi proudly replied, "I'm-a gonna go and-a get her."

Ed Note:
My dear fellow bloggers, Please forgive my fairly extended absence. Instead of today's joke, I should write a novel relaying events of previous weeks. Cliff note version: My elder cow gave a surprise birth to a new bull calf - I have named Who's the Daddy; my long-time barn cat who moved to the farm with me has disappeared or gone off to die; Best friend borrowed money from me and decided to not return my phone calls anymore; Survived a huge flood that gave us 12 inches of rain in 24 hours; Hubby initiated divorce proceedings which of course I don't want and have been devastated; met and dated a guy for a couple weeks who has pancreatic cancer and didn't treat me so well (meds or his general attitude?); was stood up on a couple of dates with other jerks; then last week met the neatest man in line at the store - we have been inseparable. Don't want to jinx myself, so I will leave you with the promise of REALLY updating and visiting your sites soon. Thank you for your continued cyber friendship and support! Cyber hugs, NoMas

Just For Slick Michael

LITTLE JOHNNY STRIKES AGAIN

The teacher asked the class to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate, not fascinating."

ally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City and I was "fascinated."

The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate."

Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before.

She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate," so she called on him.

Johnny said, "My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight."

The teacher sat down and cried.

And SLICK was thrilled to see a new post here and fastinated that it was about boobs! (Damn that was tough cause I just feel like hibernating!)

Check out this site: http://www.bigboobsalert.com/

Best F%^&ing Wishes

Sentemtality

Aw, since I am feeling the love from some of my personal friends, I decided to share a little with my dear blogger friends!


Interesting Health Fact

Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve
that connects the eyeball to the anus?

It's called the Anal Optic Nerve, and it is responsible for
giving people a shitty outlook on life.

If you don't believe it, try to pull a hair from your arse and
see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye.

Texas Tuesday: Friends

Texas Friends:

FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Always bring the food.

FRIENDS: Will say "hello".
TEXAS FRIENDS: Will give you a big hug and a kiss.

FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Call your parents Mom and Dad

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Cry with you.

FRIENDS: Will eat at your dinner table and leave.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Will spend hours there, talking, laughing and just being
together, and then clean up.

FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds' ass's that left you.

FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, "I'm home!"

FRIENDS: Are for a while.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Are for life.

X-Rated Revisited Questions & Answers, et al

Dear Readers: My apologies for neglecting you. I have been busy with numerous projects and promise to visit each of you soon. A big thank you to STARRLIGHT for mentioning me as a

Q: What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?

A: Spitting, swallowing and gargling.



Q: How do you embarrass an archeologist?

A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.



Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

A: Wiped his ass.



Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?

A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.



Q: How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?

A: The cake jumps out of the girl.



Q: How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?

A: Put a nipple on it



Q: What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak



Q: How is pubic hair like parsley?

A: You push it to the side before you start eating.



Q: What do you do when your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you?

A: Shorten her chain



Q: What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?

A: They can both smell it but can't eat it.



Q: How is a woman like a condom?

A: Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.



Q: What is the similarity between a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken?

A: By the time you've finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is a greasy box to pop your bone in.



Q: How are twisters (tornadoes) and marriage alike?

A: They both begin with a lot of blowing and sucking and in the end you lose your house.



Q: Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?

A: Because everybody who can run, jump, and swim are already in America.



Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

A: Kick his sister in the jaw.



Q: What's brown and often found in children's underpants?

A: Michael Jackson's hand.



Q: Why do women have two sets of lips?

A: So they can piss and moan at the same time.



Q: What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?

A: A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps with everyone at the party except you.

The Wooden Bowl

A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year-old grandson. The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered.

The family ate together at the table. But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth.

The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess. "We must do something about father," said the son. "I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor."

So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner. Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl! When the family glanced in Grandfather's direction, sometime he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or>spilled food.

The four-year-old watched it all in silence. One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, "What are you making?" Just as sweetly, the boy responded, "Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up."

The four-year-old smiled and went back to work. The words so struck the parents so that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done. That evening the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.