Thursday, March 15, 2007

Then & Now

Scenario: Jack pulls into school parking lot with rifle in gun rack.

1956 - Vice Principal comes over, takes a look at Jack's rifle, goes to his car and gets his to show Jack.

2006 - School goes into lockdown, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.

Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.

1956 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best friends. Nobody goes to jail, nobody arrested, nobody expelled.

2006 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.

Scenario: Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students.

1956 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by Principal. Sits still in class.

2006 - Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Parents get extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.

Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his father's car and his Dad gives him a whipping.

1956 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.

2006 - Billy's Dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. Billy's sister is told by state psychologist that she remembers being abused herself and their Dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has affair with Psychologist.

Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some headache medicine to school.

1956 - Mark shares headache medicine with Principal out on the smoking dock.

2006 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons.

Scenario: Mary turns up pregnant.

1956 - 5 High School Boys leave town. Mary does her senior year at a special school for expectant mothers.

2006 - Middle School Counselor calls Planned Parenthood, who notifies the ACLU. Mary is driven to the next state over and gets an abortion without her parent's consent or knowledge. Mary given condoms and told to be more careful next time.

Scenario: Pedro fails high school English.

1956: Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.

2006 : Pedro's cause is taken up by state democratic party. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he can't speak English.

Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a fire ant bed.

1956 - Ants die.

2006 - BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary, hugs him to comfort him.

1956 - In a short time Johnny feels better and goes on playing.

2006 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison.

(P.S. I may be MIA for a few days as the bunny bit into my laptop AC adapter and my battery has 30% remaining until I go purchase a new power supply.)


BBC said...

That was pretty darn good.

Hammer said...

Sad but true. How awful things have become.

Slick said...

You deal with nothing but the facts I see :)

Flyinfox_SATX said...

LMAO...based on this I am afraid to post because I will be accused of political incorrectness...


Dick said...

First words that came to my mind?

Fucking liberals.

Shawn C. said...

This is crazy stuff! I remember specifically using the extra firecrackers from the 4th of July to build an engine for the rocket I had made! Not only was the flight successful, I recovered the rocket about 7 blocks away! It seems that I put just a tad too much black powder in the rocket! Remember the biggest engines are only about 3 inches long, I had enough for about double that!

Imagine if I pulled that stunt today? I could start world war 3!

Steven Novak said...

Are you saying that the world has gotten wimpy? ;)


Loving Annie said...

Ha-Ha-ha ! Those were great, Nomas ! Very clever !

Happy St. Patrick's Day to you !

Cyber-see you when you get a new power supply !
Ooooh, that naughty bunny ! Between her (him?) and the goat, they are more mischevious than toddlers !

NoMas said...

BCC, Hammer, Slick: This is a wonderful statement on the way most kids are being raised today.

Fox: Yeah, watch what u say.

Dick: Woo hoo for political incorrectness.

Shawn: We used to tie tampons to various types of rockets to see how far they would fly. I'm guessing there is a "don't waste tampons cause it adds to the landfill" group lurking out there somewhere. You certainly would go to jail for launching rockets with loads of powder nowadays!

Anne: Bad Tux bunny! Now I wonder what else he may have gotten into while in the house for a few hours!
(I don't have a goat unless you count Hubby who lives in town).

I'm on my old compaq - it runs slower than a can with a string.

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KurtP said...

I see you had three libs posting with their fine controll of the english language and measured responses.

NoMas said...

Kurt: Actually the previous comments were deleted by the author himself - he WAS on a rampage about Liberals but then he took his medication and calmed down. Seriously, he's a fine youngster; he was just confused about my meaning in posting these "funnies."