Monday, March 19, 2007

More Politically Correct Tips

My last two posts have been teasingly referenced as politically incorrect/correct or referred to said PC. Most everyone who reads me knows that I tend to be lighthearted in my posts and do not intend to be making a subverted point. (If I've got something to say about a subject, you'll know it). Anyhow, this nice young man went on a rant about Liberals and me pissing him off, etc. all over my "Then & Now" post on Wednesday. Of course, I explained to him that I was not making a political statement and most of us over the age of 35 think this stuff is humorous (We have to laugh about it or sulk and blame someone for our poor traumas) .
Now, here is an opinionated statement from me: Back then - Little Johnny back talks teacher, is sent to the coach who paddles him with a special-for-the-occasion two-inch- thick board with holes drilled into it. Johnny cries, receives more paddling for it, and has horrible bruises on his bottom and legs for weeks. No one says or does a thing about it. Nowadays: MFs better not even think about touching a kid with a board, let alone beat them to bruising. (I'll beat that teacher myself.) (Note to D.: this is the kind of crap I and others my age experienced in school. No one is claiming a political stance, just that there must be a happy medium). Okay now that I've upset myself with this crap and ruined the following supposedly funny post -



HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1 She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."

2. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."

3. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."


4. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."

5 . She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."

6. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."


HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."

2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."

3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."

4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."

5. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."

6. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE."

9 comments:

Hammer said...

When I first moved to Texas I was scared to death when I saw kids getting beat with a paddle with holes drilled in it. "they were called licks"

Kids were black and blue and some got broken fingers when they instictivly held put their hand back there in mid swing.

Some kids got licks for forgetting to turn in signed forms or for walking in the hall without a pass.

I swore when I first saw it, that nobody was going to lay a hand or board on me for any reason.

I wasn't a trouble maker and wasn't put in the position thankfully and once I got to highschool, the administrators began offering a choice between detention and a beating.

I'm all for discipline in school when necessary, but nobody is going to lay a hand on my kids.

NoMas said...

No doubt, Hammer. I know my dad always backed me from school hags. Then again, he didn't hesitate to provide his own whipping. And believe me I can recall asking for it by taunting him to "go ahead, hit me, I dare you" back-talk. He didn't know any differently than to beat me and it upsets him now if he talks about it.

Some things are better for change. Our schools were definately in need of it.

I think I left you a comment one time about the teacher wanting to paddle me in FIRST grade for singing my ABC's when she left the room for an extended time.

I also remember in elementary school a kid being duct taped to a chair. There was a little bit of rumor about it only because the kid almost suffocated due to having the tape placed on their mouth as well but the teacher wasn't fired and the only folks that knew about it were people at the school.

As an older good kid, girls used to drag me out of school hallways (sometimes up to 10 of them) and beat the crap out of me just because they were jealous white trash. NO ONE ever did a damn thing NADA. Another time one of these girls smashed my head against the school bus window as she was getting off the bus - bus driver didn't do a damn thing either.

Finally I stopped being a little sissy girl and told my parents about the harassing. They in turn called the principal who suspended the girls for a few days - so they could really get pissed off and beat my ass.

About 10 years ago, I read about one of the ring-leaders going to prison for insurance fraud and arson.

Strangely, as a mean little tom-girl, I turned all Christian, drill team, straight A student, prissy during Jr High and High School which didn't sit well with redneck trashy gals. By the time I left school, you can bet that no one was beating my ass, I was cussing God, and the only A's I saw were ass.

The school system TRIED to f... me up but I made a change for the better once I was old enough to move from Hickville.

Hammer said...

Damn, all of that you describe takes me back in time. I saw
and experienced some of that stuff
and the schools did nothing about it. It always bugged the shit out of me but there was no where to turn back then.

Sarge Charlie said...

yeah, thats me, rear cleavage

Wally Banners said...

rofl low cost providser rofl. HI NOMAS. Yea I do same. I cook them chicken, livers, etc. I have it made in monthly batches and flash frozen for what I need weekly. Ill tel ya Nomas. Cats are true protectors/. They chase away vermin, snakes and deadly bugs.
I travel with my number 5 cat. thats her name #5. In hotel or resort I let her go she takes off and flirts with other cats. I love my cats. ty for dropping in. Hows the leg now?

Anonymous said...

I'm sitting here laughing my ass off and of course the family members are looking at me like I'm goofy.

NoMas said...

Wally: my nearest neighbor does not have cats but has plenty of rattlesnakes. i have only seen one rattlesnake on my property in three years. You would not believe how well my leg is healing! I'll do a picture update soon.

Anonymous: Thanks for visiting. Wish I could visit your site.

Loving Annie said...

My empathy for what you went through as a child and in school, NoMas...

I'm politically incorrect myself... and I like it !

NoMas said...

Sgt Charlie: So your just a big butt crack!?

Anne: thanks for the empathy Anne. It all just made me a stronger person AND unfortunately, untrusting.