Monday, January 15, 2007

Dumb Farm Funnies

NICE TRUCK
Two farmers meet up in a bar during a agricultural convention. One from PA the other from TX...


PA: Back home I got a 40 acre spread!

TX: Aw, heck you ain't got nothin' - why my spread in Texas is so big that I get in my pickup in the morning and I don't get to the other side of my ranch until the sun goes down!

PA: Yeah, I used to have a pickup truck like that....


STOCKING THE FARM
A "city-boy" ventured out and bought himself a farm-house. He needed some animals for the farm and inquired at the neighbor's place. The old farmer agreed to sell some animals and the two walked through the yard.


The city-boy pointed and asked, "What kind of animal is that?"


"Well," said the farmer, "that is a cock, which you city folks call a rooster."

"Ok, I'll take one of them," said the city boy.

He pointed to another animal, and the farmer told him, "That one is a pullet, or what you call a chicken."

"I'll take it," said the city boy.

"You will also need a hard working animal to help you with the chores, so I'll sell you this ass, or mule."

The city-boy agreed.

"The mule might give you problems being stubborn 'n all and lie down on you," informed the farmer. "If you scratch his belly really good, he'll get up."

As the city-boy is heading home, a beautiful girl is approaching. All of a sudden, the mule lies down and refuses to move. The girl hurries over and asks if she can help.

"Yeah," exclaimed the city-boy, "You can grab my cock & pullet while I reach around and scratch my ass.


THE FARMER'S MULE
An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something.
The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.
One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch.
Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on.
All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.
At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it.
So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men.
The old farmer said: "Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement."
"And what about the men?" the minister asked.
"They wanted to know if the mule was for sale."

DEM' SMART CITY FOLK
A man from the city is out plowing his field and gets his tractor stuck in the wet ground.
A farmer driving by stops his truck and walks to the fence to call over the city feller. You need a mule to plow such wet ground he says.
"Where can I buy one?" he is asked.
"Well, I just happened to have one for 100 dollars," the farmer says.
"I'll take him," says the other man as he counts out the money.
"I can't bring him over today. I don't work on Sunday, tomorrow OK?
"Sure," says the city fellar.
The next day the truck pulls up and the old farmer gets out. He says, "Sorry, bad news. I went out after breakfeast and the mule was dead."
The city feller says, "Just give me my money back."
Can't, spent it already," the farmer replies.
"Well... unload the mule then," city fellar retorts.
"What ya gonna do with him?"
"Raffle him off!"
"Naw, ya cant raffle off a dead mule!"
"Just watch me! City fellars know a few tricks."
One month goes by and the city fellar and farmer run into each other at the barber shop.
"What did ya do with that dead mule?"
"Raffled him off, sold 100 tickets at two dollars each and made 98 dollars profit."
"Didn't anyone complain?"
"Just one guy so I gave him his two dollars back!"

6 comments:

iawqlp said...

On the other hand this one contains loads of tasty recipes because it is about cooking. Leave comment and don't forget to tell your friend about it =)

NoMas said...

It took me forever to be able to post this and then a strange comment appeared! So now we know what happens to AWOL comments!

Skittles said...

You're a barn now instead of a flower! (See, I notice things lol.)

Thanks for the laughs!

Anne said...

Good Monday morning Nomas,
funny stories to start the day ! Thanks ! How are you doing in the cold ? Farm Fairy was asking about you as well.

Hammer said...

Those are some good ones.

Been having trouble commenting myself.

Stay safe, it's icy as heck where I'm at.

Otis said...

How's the weather up there? Snow? Ice?

It's cold here!