Thursday, November 23, 2006

Thankfully, it's Family Time Again

Oh boy, Thanksgiving day is fast approaching. Not being much of a family person, I am thankful for a day involving a gluttonous quiet lunch followed with lying around and munching all day long. But that's not happening this year.

This year, I am obligated to attend lunch with my husband's family. They are a simple-minded, eccentric group consisting of two sisters, a brother and Mother-in-Law (Hubby's twin brother and his family will not be in attendance). Hubby can be quirky in an entertaining sort of way, but the in-laws take the prize for odd.

First there's K., she is late 40-ish and, if she were not Baptist, should have joined a convent. She has never even been on a date and is extremely naive in her views. Despite being shy, I have heard her speak a few times in the past 16 years and would think she was 12 years of age if she didn't have a full-faced beard that she shaves. Poor thing promised Granddaddy on his death bed that she would take care of Grandmother. She spent 30 some odd years doing just that and I commend her sacrifice. Granny passed last year at 98 years after having one leg, then another foot removed due to diabetes; she was a cool, feisty person.

Next is M. in his early 50's. He is the biggest user ever and I can't say anything nice (sorry to my Mother, I have to say something). He has lived with Mother-in-Law all of his life. Never married or accomplished anything that I know of. While he has worked for part of his life, his money is spent on himself and not rent or food. I've heard him complain that "Mom has not gone to the grocery store and we're out of food and Dr. Pepper."

Then there is 50-ish B. She was previously married but now lives with Mother-in-Law, too. She dislikes me due to suggesting that Hospice be called when Grandmother was on her death bed. She was being paid by Mother-in-Law to take care of Granny during the day while K. was at work and thought I was suggesting that she be replaced, thus not paid.

I'll just mention Hubby's twin brother. They are fraternal twins. Hubby is a clean-cut former Air Force man and his twin is a high school drop out covered in tattoos and earrings. MIL took care of twin's daughter (from his first marriage) from age 2 until she graduated and moved out recently. Twin never paid child support and the mother was MIA all these years.

MIL is the sweetest MIL one could have. She has never been a butt-in-er and is a soft-spoken lady. Although since Granny died, she has been an outspoken advocate for Hubby and I to be saved and accept religion into our lives. (That's another story for another time). She is the main eccentric of the bunch. The first time she met my parents, we went out to eat. She was in the back seat of parent's Town Car with Hubby and I. Parent turned around under a valet parking carport and she began to yell. Turns out she has a fear of garages, carports, bridges, underpasses - goodnight - she scared us but good. Later I discovered that she cannot tolerate riding in the back seat - gets car sick and phobic. Oh well, harmless enough. Hubby also told me that she cannot enter an airport due to fear of who knows what. (This was before Homeland Security torture tactics). She enables these losers to mooch off of her and wouldn't dream of having it any other way. Whenever she need something such as home repairs, Hubby is the one she turns to for help.

They'll spend a thousand dollars on something unneeded: a pool table, above-ground pool, etc., but Hubby must drop everything to drive 200 miles to paint their house, tend the yard.... You get the point.

Hubby, the baby, accepted said Thanksgiving invitation and told MIL, "NoMasCorporate said to tell B. not to smoke while she cooks." Relaying my conversation with him that the food always tastes terrible because B. dangles a fag from her mouth while cooking holiday meals - yuck, yuck and super yuck. I could have killed him and may yet!

So, dear readers, here's wishing you a tasty meal this holiday season and may your family behave themselves.

FOOTNOTE:
This post was cleaned-up for "Bestest Blog" so I will let you know, dear readers, that B. did indeed have a full ashtray in the kitchen and chain smoked the house to hell. For some reason Hubby tolerates this although he has never smoked and hates it.

1 comment:

Hammer said...

Sounds like it's going to be a heck of a time. Hope you make it through ok.