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Funny Time

Today I offer a silly tidbit to make you smile. This man has the funniest laugh. The longer you listen to him, the funnier it is.

FUNNIEST LAUGH.

Ya Gotta Read About This

Wide Lawns/Subservient Worker has posted about a "tumbleweed pubes" in the club locker room. I tell you this gal has outdone herself - send some love.

Texas Tuesday: Country Technology

Click on image to enlarge.

Man needed surgery after sex with hedgehog

A Serbian man needed emergency surgery after he had sex with a hedgehog on a witchdoctor's advice.

Zoran Nikolovic, 35, from Belgrade, says the witchdoctor told him it would cure his premature ejaculation.

But he ended up in an operating theatre after the hedgehog's needles left his penis severely lacerated.

A hospital spokesman said: "The animal was apparently unhurt and the patient came off much worse from the encounter. We have managed to repair the damage to his penis."

Copyright © 2007 Ananova Ltd

Nobody Wants Bush Library

The obvious solution to the problem of finding a site for the George W. Bush presidential library?

Since the thing causes a stink whenever someone suggests putting it at a real university, why not put it at an online university such as the University of Phoenix? If the library were confined to the Internet, it would eliminate Bush just showing up on campus and embarrassing the administration.

Here's my concept: We could make the Bush library a Web page. You know, www.i'mthedecider.com. Or, www.missionaccomplished .com. Or, and this is my personal favorite, www.you're doingaheckuvajobbrownie .com. Or, www.foolmeonce shameonyoufoolmeyoucan't getfooledagain.com. Or, speaking of books, how 'bout mypetgoat.com.

I came up with this idea after it became apparent that Bush might be getting snubbed by some in the Methodist Church. Nobody gets tossed out of the Methodist Church. This ain't the Baptists. The Baptists will bust you for bringing a cooler. The Methodists don't even care what you put in the cooler.

Methodists are usually nonjudgmental. You could walk into a Methodist Church on Sunday morning with your pants down around your ankles, and they'd figure you had arthritis and couldn't bend over to pull 'em up. You've got to really screw up to get dissed by the Methodists.

But in Dallas, some of the folks at Southern Methodist University have started a petition asking that the Bush library not be put on their campus. This has something to do with an aversion to torture, human rights violations, a war started on false pretenses like nonexistent weapons of mass destruction, attacking a country that didn't attack you first — all that kind of picky stuff.
Here's a school that the first lady attended, and it isn't unequivocally welcoming Bush's collection of books, which are probably confined to one box in his garage.
If your old lady's alma mater won't even let you in the door without causing a fuss, you've got a real image problem.
So how do you get around that? Just make the library a virtual one. Who could complain?
The other possibility would be to put the Bush library in a van and drive it around like one of those mobile lending libraries. Dick Cheney could drive. Heck, I'd ride shotgun. Let me rephrase that before he shoots me in the face.

But I'm favoring the virtual library because it has all sorts of selling points.

You know how Bush is always speaking to military guys because they're a receptive audience? I imagine that those guys get tired of having to sit through all that. If Bush's library occurs at a real university, you know they're going to get stuck sitting through more speeches. If it's at a virtual university, they're off the hook.

This virtual thing also keeps those annoying library tourists from coming around, which frees up parking. Also, you wouldn't have to deal with those pesky Secret Service motorcades passing through, causing traffic jams.

John Kelso

Naked sex offender found dead at computer

Now, this is IRONY at its best. Good riddance.

Over 2000 Visitors

Dear Blogger Friends - Thank y'all for visiting me and commenting. As of this morning, I have surpassed 2000 visits. Y'all make my day! Thanks again.

Finally Someone Stands Up to Brats

Practically everywhere I go there are small terrors causing havoc. Parents allowing kids to run through restaurants, grocery stores, you name it. Kids throwing themselves on the floor while the parents ignore them. Too many times I have become angry at management for not handling the situation. Hell, if someone lit a cigarette in public and disturbed others, something would be said, but a kid can scream bloody murder for 15 minutes and we are supposed to tolerate it. WTF.

On the other hand there are the parents attempting to reason with a child. "Come on Johnny all of these people are looking at you." Don't you want to get an ice cream later." No discipline whatsoever. I would have never pulled such a stunt as a youngster because I knew I would get beat within an inch of my life for acting up. What happened to the days of getting "The Look" and knowing you had better straighten up.

So I was elated to hear the news that an airline refused to tolerate parents' acting ignorant and expecting everyone to bow to their wants and needs.

READ THIS.

What Exit Strategy?

PPP: Bookkeeping Quickbooks

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Telemarketer Payback - FUNNY

Although today is Texas Tuesday - we had Texas Monday, so I'll leave you with this little tidbit. Enjoy.

How To Prank A Telemarketer.

Wordless Wednesday

Despite the fact it is Wordless Wednesday, I just HAVE to comment. This person is super strange! Is his face uglier than his hairdo? This puts a new meaning to "a bag over your head."
what do you think?

PPP: Auto Insurance

This is a paid advertisement. I am always looking for a way to cut costs and car insurance can be one of the more costly bills you pay. For my readers in the UK, there is now an easier way to compare car insurance and receive cheap quotes online in real time. No waiting for a return telephone call or email. A quick search compares insurance rates between over 50 companies in order to provide you with the cheapest cost. Most sites only compare a small number of company’s rates. The site requires you to complete a fairly simple set of questions, then provides you with a set of the best cheap quotes.

Greeting Cards for All Occasions

Head over to Cranky Old Bastard's to read a few wonderful greeting cards.

PPP: Cave Creek Resort

This is a paid advertisement. Getting away from it all is a must. Too many times I put off going on a holiday because it is too expensive or I just cannot decide where to go. Investing in a condo at Cave Creek Resort Casitas in beautiful Arizona takes the burden off of finances and decisions of where to go. The purchase of an awesome condo amidst amenities such as a club house and golf course is a sound investment. When not at the resort, your property can be rented as a hotel.

First Texas Execution of 2007

Carlos Granados (36) Texas man convicted of brutally stabbing to death his girlfriend’s son Anthony Jiminez (3) in 1998. Granados was the first person to be executed this year in Texas, the nation’s busiest capital punishment state. He was executed by lethal injection in Huntsville, Texas on January 10, 2007.

MMMM - Beer For Dogs

Not to be outdone, now your best friend can enjoy a cold imported beer with you! Of course, here in Austin most places allow you to bring you best friend to the bar.

Vote for Sgt Hook

Sgt. Hook would appreciate votes for his military blog. So get going! Thanks.

Do You Have SUIT?

Try as I have, I could not copy this audio for your listening pleasure. However, go to THIS SITE and listen to the first sample audio entitled "Gynochiatric Center for Women" (it should just begin to play).

I received an email of this audio awhile back and it is one of the funniest things I have heard in a long, long time. If I'm lying, I'm dying! I didn't realize this woman was fairly well-known in some circles but I will definately be purchasing one of her Cds after I listen to other sample tracks!

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When Insults Had Class

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."-- Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."-- Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."-- Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."-- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" -- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."-- Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."-- Abraham Lincoln

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." -- Groucho Marx

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."-- Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."-- Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one.."-- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."-- Winston Churchill, in response

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."-- Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."-- John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."-- Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."-- Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."-- Paul Keating

"He had delusions of adequacy."-- Walter Kerr

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure."-- Jack E. Leonard

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt."-- Robert Redford

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."-- Thomas Brackett Reed

"He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them."-- James Reston (about Richard Nixon)

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."-- Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."-- Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"-- Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."-- Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."-- Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination."-- Andrew Lang

Fell Off The Earth!

Hey guys - I'm back! I have not had internet connection for 4 days - aaahhh. The weather here was atrocious. Ice and snow covered everything making a pretty site but I was stuck in neverland. The good news was that I did not lose electricity. SO I can't wait to read about what you all have been up to during my absence....

PayPerPost: Egreetings

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Dumb Farm Funnies

NICE TRUCK

Two farmers meet up in a bar during a agricultural convention. One from PA the other from TX...

PA: Back home I got a 40 acre spread!

TX: Aw, heck you ain't got nothin' - why my spread in Texas is so big that I get in my pickup in the morning and I don't get to the other side of my ranch until the sun goes down!

PA: Yeah, I used to have a pickup truck like that....

STOCKING THE FARM

A "city-boy" ventured out and bought himself a farm-house. He needed some animals for the farm and inquired at the neighbor's place. The old farmer agreed to sell some animals and the two walked through the yard.

The city-boy pointed and asked, "What kind of animal is that?"

"Well," said the farmer, "that is a cock, which you city folks call a rooster."

"Ok, I'll take one of them," said the city boy.

He pointed to another animal, and the farmer told him, "That one is a pullet, or what you call a chicken."

"I'll take it," said the city boy.

"You will also need a hard working animal to help you with the chores, so I'll sell you this ass, or mule."

The city-boy agreed.

"The mule might give you problems being stubborn 'n all and lie down on you," informed the farmer. "If you scratch his belly really good, he'll get up."

As the city-boy is heading home, a beautiful girl is approaching. All of a sudden, the mule lies down and refuses to move. The girl hurries over and asks if she can help.

"Yeah," exclaimed the city-boy, "You can grab my cock & pullet while I reach around and scratch my ass.

THE FARMER'S MULE

An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something.

The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.

One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch.

Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on.

All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.

At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it.

So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men.

The old farmer said: "Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement."

"And what about the men?" the minister asked.

"They wanted to know if the mule was for sale."

DEM' SMART CITY FOLK

A man from the city is out plowing his field and gets his tractor stuck in the wet ground.

A farmer driving by stops his truck and walks to the fence to call over the city feller. You need a mule to plow such wet ground he says.

"Where can I buy one?" he is asked.

"Well, I just happened to have one for 100 dollars," the farmer says.

"I'll take him," says the other man as he counts out the money.

"I can't bring him over today. I don't work on Sunday, tomorrow OK?

"Sure," says the city fellar.

The next day the truck pulls up and the old farmer gets out. He says, "Sorry, bad news. I went out after breakfeast and the mule was dead."

The city feller says, "Just give me my money back."

Can't, spent it already," the farmer replies.

"Well... unload the mule then," city fellar retorts.

"What ya gonna do with him?"

"Raffle him off!"

"Naw, ya cant raffle off a dead mule!"

"Just watch me! City fellars know a few tricks."

One month goes by and the city fellar and farmer run into each other at the barber shop.

"What did ya do with that dead mule?"

"Raffled him off, sold 100 tickets at two dollars each and made 98 dollars profit."

"Didn't anyone complain?"

"Just one guy so I gave him his two dollars back!"

It's All About the Ass

A Few Thoughts...

1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.

2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.

3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.

6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.

9. Maybe we are to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.

10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.

11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.

12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.

13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.

What's Your Rising Sign

Your Rising Sign is Capricorn

Old fashioned and conservative, you carry yourself with dignity.You have a tough exterior, and you can be intimidating when you want to be. Hard working and ambitious, you can survive in the most cut throat work enviroments.Outside of work, you are a true friend to everyone in your small inner circle. You may have had a difficult time earlier in life.Capricorns are late bloomers and you may be coming into your own right now.

What's" Your Rising Sign?

Wow, sometimes these weird questionaires are so on target!

I've Been Tagged by Hammer

If you had to choose one vice in exclusion of all others what would it be? Vodka cocktail

If you could change one specific thing about the world what would it be? Untrustworthiness of people

Name the cartoon character you identify with the most. Hmm, never been a cartoon watcher but how about Tweety Bird!

If you could live one day in your life over again which one would it be? any day with my baby Marti

If you could go back in history and spend a day with one person who would it be? A tie between deceased friends: JB, ML or Rob (not the blogging Rob).

What is the one thing you lost sold or threw away that you wish you could have back?
ring Hubby gave me as a wedding gift (accidently thrown away in a tissue)

What is your one most important contribution to this world. Saving abandoned animals

What is your one hidden talent that nearly no one knows about? I have a very nice singing voice

What is your most cherished posession? Grandmother's wedding ring (that's how I lost the ring Hubby gave me: the day Grandmother gave me her ring, I took off Hubby ring, wrapped in a tissue and later tossed it)

What one person influenced your life the most when growing up? both Mother & Daddy

What one word describes you better than any other? Rebus

Hammer - this was hard!

I TAG Skittles/, Tart and Starrlight .

Northern Chivalry

Rob tells it like it is!

Food Blog Winners

Our favorite FARM GIRL WON Best Food Farm Blog-Rural!! A list of all winners may be found HERE.

Female Firefighter's Locker Defaced

Just when you think these sort of misogynistic actions are history, THIS sort of behavior surfaces. I hope they nail the guy or guys who did this.

What Color Should your Blog Be? (From Skittles)

Your Blog Should Be Purple

You're an expressive, offbeat blogger who tends to write about anything and everything.You tend to set blogging trends, and you're the most likely to write your own meme or survey.You are a bit distant though. Your blog is all about you - not what anyone else has to say.

What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?

Hilarious Video

Head over to The Desk Job and watch Rumsfeld Hands.

Texas Tuesday: A Life of Hogs, Hooters and Topless Hunts

Money doesn't take the red out of a neck as documented here in this article by John Kelso.

The most politically incorrect man in the state of Texas?
My nominee would be Charles Johnson III, 52, who comes from a wealthy oil and gas family in this Texas Panhandle city.

How many other guys can you name who have traveled all the way to New Guinea to deliver Amarillo Hooters T-shirts to the female natives? This is the side of big oil nobody talks about.

Johnson has documented this with several snapshots of himself standing next to some of these native women wearing Hooters shirts. The photos have a National Geographic air to them, until you notice the shirts.

In one of the photos, a New Guinea woman is carrying a live hog under her arm.
"She was nursing that pig when we saw her," recalled the jovial Johnson, who, as you have probably guessed by now, is single. "A lot of women in New Guinea nurse their pigs to fatten 'em up."

In one photo, Johnson is shown with one of the natives while he is decked out in a leopard fez and bowling shirt.

"I told them that's what chieftans in Texas wore, and they treated me with a lot of respect," Johnson said.

I asked Johnson who took these photos of him with the New Guinea natives. "My mother," he said. I don't think he was kidding.

You can tell Charles Johnson when you see him coming down the road in Amarillo. He's the one with the huge stuffed hog riding in the sidecar of his BSA motorcycle.

"I was in Bulgaria and I shot a big 450-pound hog," explained Johnson, 52, an investments business guy who has visited 165 countries around the world. "I had my taxidermist down in Kerrville stuff him with foam rubber. I stuff him in my sidecar and take him barhopping. He probably has a lot more fun dead than alive. We put dollar bills in his hooves for the girls in the strip clubs."

When he's not raising hell in foreign countries, Johnson is raising hell in his hometown of Amarillo. In the fall he and his running buddy, Bill Fellers Jr., put on a topless dove hunt on Johnson's farm — located next to the Clements maximum-security prison here.

"It makes the (prison) guards real nervous,' said Fellers, who is in the oil and gas exploration business and is also single. For the hunt, Johnson and friends hire three or four topless dancers who retrieve the birds as they're shot down.

The dancers who work the hunt have "nothing on but their sneakers," Johnson said. "When they bring a dove back, they get a dollar."

Fellers says the topless dove hunt irritates some of the wives of the men who go on the hunt. In fact, one year when the wives got wind of the upcoming date of the topless dove hunt, they made their husbands take them to the Amarillo symphony instead.

Fellers and Johnson made hay out of this, though, by text-messaging photos of the topless dancers at the dove hunt to the guys who had been dragged to the symphony.

"They'd be sitting there in the symphony with their cell phones, and their wives would say, 'What's that, honey?' " Fellers said.

Perhaps the apex of Johnson's politically incorrect career occurred when he brought a 378-pound Dallas transvestite named Rhapsody as his date to his 20th high school reunion in Amarillo.

"She was a great date. Drank a whole fifth of vodka," Johnson said.

"Just to feed her would have been enough," Fellers added.

But it did not set well with the ladies who were putting on the reunion. "I still get (garbage) from the women who were organizing it," Johnson said.

Johnson has a little something to offend everybody, including the animal rights people. His beautiful 1927-vintage brick home in Amarillo is littered with stuffed animals. But he takes it one step further. For example, he has a stuffed baboon on display at home in a baby coffin, smoking a hookah.

Then there was the time Johnson and Fellers played chicken-head golf by cutting the heads off chickens and using them as balls. "Sometimes you have to make do with what you have, and we didn't have any balls," Fellers explained.

Or the time Johnson visited a bar in Manila called the Hobbit House that was staffed entirely by dwarfs, bouncers and all.

But that's another story.

ORIGINAL ARTICLE

Surge Protectors: Learn From My Experience!

Important Info: Last year I had a surge protector blow out. The entire house smelled of burnt plastic. I called in an electrician for a small fortune, only to discover that it was one surge protector for the living room television and stereo that had given (BLOWN) out. Black soot on the walls in every room that had a surge protector blown out. It caused other outlets to cease working and I thought the entire place was gonna go up in smoke - nasty smell and only certain lights would work. I called PEC (state electric co) and, after checking my thingy magigs on the property, told me that they did not have an electrical surge within their system - it was the surge protector. (I still think they are to blame since I have never had this problem anywhere else that I have lived.) No, I do not have a million things plugged into the protector.

Tonight I just had another one go out in the bedroom - black smoke, plastic smell.... Anyway, learn from my experience, these surge protectors do fail and will cause you a freak out! It is only the surge protector. If you're like me, you have one for every piece of electrical equipment in your home, except the fridge, dishwasher, washer and dryer. All TVs, computers, stereos should be on a surge protector. While those protectors will fail, they protect your equipment. Otherwise, lightening or electric company surge will blow your equipment to trash. The surge protector will be trash, but your equipment will be fine. $20 is better than $1000.00 spent on replacing equipment.

READ THIS.

Tagged: MeMe

When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? Damn, I need a facial.

How much cash do you have on you? Nada - it's in my purse, at least carry $20.

What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR? More

Do you label yourself? Too much.

Bright or Dark Room? natural sunlight

Why is there always a missing question? cause I won't answer!

What does your watch look like? I love/use to collect watches and have many; yet, I don't wear them anymore.

What were you doing at midnight last night? Tossing and turning -will I ever sleep through the night?

Where is your nearest 7-11?At least 40 miles from here.

What’s a word that you say a lot? Good night Charlie and F... me.

Who told you he/she loved you last? little brother

Last furry thing you touched? hmm, I think it was baby Ceri - Siamese kitty. I love on all my babies so often, this is a difficult question.

How many rolls of film do you need developed? One, disposable camera from the dinosaur at Christmas parade.

Favorite age you have been so far? 30's were an awesome age.

Your worst enemy? probably myself

What is your current desktop picture? window with flower box.

What was the last thing you said to someone? "Come here baby."

The last song you listened to? hmm... unsure since I have the radio on most days. I do recall hearing a Stix song that took me way back....

What time of day were you born? 9 am ish Sept 24th

What do you do when vending machines steal your money? never use them

Do you consider yourself kind? Yes, that is the most important thing in life - to be polite and kind.

What’s your life motto? "Class is free, get some."

Name three things you have on you at all times. Sense of humor, emotional armor & wallet.

Can you change the oil on a car? Yes, indeed.

When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it? Today, I send surprise gifts, cards, and notes all the time.

TAGGED: Hammer, Miss Halleyville, Platy, Anne

Property Taxes: What is it Worth?

In preparing to pay my property taxes, I am smiling! Two years ago, I was paying almost $10,000 in taxes for a 3,000 SF home in a subdivision. Today, taxes for 13 acres of land with 1400 SF house and a 2500 SF barn in just slightly over $250 - YES, $250! Yippee.

What are your property taxes?

Tax his land,
Tax his bed,
Tax the table
At which he's fed.
Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes
Are the rule.
Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.
Tax his ties,
Tax his shirt,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.
Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he
Tries to think.
Tax his cigars,
Tax his beers,
If he cries, then
Tax his tears.
Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways
To tax his ass
Tax all he has
Then let him know
That you won't be done
Till he has no dough.
When he screams and hollers,
Then tax him some more,
Tax him till
He's good and sore.
Then tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in
Which he's laid.
Put these words upon his tomb,
"Taxes drove me to my doom..."
When he's gone,
Do not relax,
Its time to apply
The inheritance tax.

And I still have to "press 1" for English

PayPerPost: Boise, Idaho

This is a paid post.

Boise is experiencing a housing boom and now you can plan your move on the internet. This makes it very convenient to find the perfect living arrangement. Boise, Idaho home guide provides all of the information needed to locate a home in Idaho. A search can be made of various communities or of cities. Looking for a new home in Boise or just want to rent? The site offers information on every type of home. A search can be made for townhomes, guest cottages, new homes, fixer-uppers, and homes with acreage. Want to search by square footage or cost? Would you like to search for a one story home or a two story home? Perhaps you would like to search for a particular age of home. All of these searches are available on-line, as well. Utilizing the MLS database allows one to perform a detailed search for the perfect living arrangement in Boise. Detailed information is also available on schools, shopping, art, sports and more. Make that educated move today. It could not be easier than searching from your home computer.

Thirty Things to Make You Smile (oldies but goodies)

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2... I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
4.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
6.. Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.
7.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
10.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing.
11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-hell-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
14.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
17.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
18.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
19.. Procrastinate Now!
20.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
21.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
22.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
23.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
24..They call it PMS because MadCow Disease was already taken.
25..He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
26..A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
27..Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
28.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
29.. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
30.. Sometimes I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

Hammer Hit A Nail

If you haven’t seen Hammer’s post today, check it. He’s ranting about all the crap most of us cannot stand to see. Well, Hammer stirred the shit and the kids on the playground forgot how to play nicely! You go boy!

If I may add a few more things to dislike :

Earrings coming out of every orifice. Get your ass out of my food and where is the manager, who would hire some nasty looking person with a tongue-studded lisp and shit coming out of their lip and nose.

Rampant tattoos. A couple of tasteful pieces of body art are acceptable but tattoos of horns on your forehead and vibrant tacky "art" across your neck looks stupid.

The soul patch is also known as a tuft, stinger, Attilio, royale, scruff, impériale, fanny tickler, blues beard, love tuft, blues dab, bebop, liptee, clit tickler, cookie duster, womb-broom, zif, taint-brush, pussy mop, cadillac, mouche (French for fly), meat scratcher, mosca (Spanish for fly, crab-catcher, soup catcher, flavor stripe or flavor-saver. I just call it a BALL TICKLER.

Lucky for us more conservative types, these young punks, looking like crap, make us older folks look great! And, hey, I hope I die before these fools get to middle age because I do not want to see any of these things on an old wrinkled ass.

Don't Forget Grills

“If you thought you knew what bling was before, wait til you see the GRILLZ that just hit the site. More gangster than any accessory on the market, GRILLZ are more than just gold teeth, they help all your homies know that you are the ultimate pimp. All the ladies want to see your grill!”

“They are hotter than the finest girl you have ever seen. HOW CAN YOU PASS THAT UP?”

“Now if you want to enter a new level, a level that only few pimps can reach, you gotta go bling from teeth to ring. IOG can help pimp you out, match your grill to your pimp cup and your pimp cup to your belt and your belt to your spinner watch. All of the craziest, hottest, most blinged out accessories on the market, and they are all here.”

Personality Quiz

Your Personality Cluster is Introverted Feeling

You are: Tolerant, flexible, and open to new ideas.A stickler for integrity and authenticity.Passionate about causes, beliefs, or politics.Likely to have many "best friends" from many walks of life

What's" Your Personality Cluster?

You're Seeking What?

(This was actually posted yesterday, but I realized the links to Rob were not working - they are working now - so check this out.)

Guess I'm promoting other folk's posts today.

Seriously, no I mean seriously - you must head over to Rob's to read WELL, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO MAKE YOURSELF "STAND OUT," RIGHT? and ANOTHER ON-LINE AD.

The man was a nut and I mean that in an endearing southern way. Thank you to his friend Stevie who keeps his blog alive.

Fire in the Hole

Mom is Nutz posted about an unintentional fire she set in her yard. This reminded me of stunt I pulled a few years ago.

When I lived HERE , I loved to cause trouble.

Initially, our home was one of few in the neighborhood but, after 10 years there, the exploding tech industry brought in tons of Yankees and Californians. Now I don't so much mind those folks, but being a 5th generation Texan, I don't take kindly to being scrutinized by said invaders.

I suppose that I can be redneck with the best of them; yet, I just consider it the old ways of doing things.

That said, my beautiful front yard of carpet grass was looking puny. I had called in the typical lawn services, paid and paid and paid with no results. In anticipation that I might be fined for having a shitty yard, I took matters into my own hands. I set the yard on fire!

It was a "controlled fire" because I was standing there with a hose just burning little sections at a time.

My immediate neighbors were all good friends, so they were accustomed to my ways and just laughed. BUT, the invaders down the road - well....

I see a woman down at the cul-de-sac coming up the sidewalk toward me, hollering, "Is everything alright?"

I told her all was fine; I had everything under control.

She returns to her home. I finish burning and the fire is out.

Next thing I know, the fire department is at my house! Let me tell you these were some super hot guys in there early 20's. MMM mmm MMM.

I explained about the controlled burn and Yankees. (We weren't in the city, so it wasn't against the law to burn your yard). The guys laughed and hung out about 10 minutes. Damn, should have started that fire every week. Even my next door neighbor threatened to set her yard on fire so that we could have a repeat visit.

Blogging Contests

There are a couple of contests in the works:

Skittles relays that The Seventh Annual Weblog Awards will be handed out soon. Your votes are being taken NOW. This is larger than anything I know about since it calls for submissions for every country practically!

Farmgirl Fare has been nominated for a 2006 Food Blog Award in the category Best Food Blog—Rural. If you have not yet checked out her site (she has been linked by me since my blog’s inception), you must do so. She always has a great picture of the day and plenty of recipes, including homemade bread tips. Don’t forget to vote if you like what you see! (You''ll find the voting link on her site.)

AND, last but most importantly, Miss Halleyville 'dedicated' an entire post to me (well kinda). I am so flattered that someone thought enough of what I posted to repeat it.

Okay - I Gave in to the Man

I have started Pay Per Posting, as you will see. However, I am still com-posting. So keep reading!

U Named It What?

Omitted the other day.

Sickie Here

I haven't abandoned my post but I'm puny today. Went back to the doctor for blood pressure check. At least it was down to 146/90. Still high, but better. They had gotten results from blood work but since I didn't have an appointment (they had told me I didn't need one), I was rushed in and out and told to come back again tomorrow. Turns out my cholesterol, which I've also never had a problem with, is off the charts at 170 (high is 140). Doc thinks it's some kind of liver problem, he he - imagine that folks! Anyhow, I was given 3 different pills to take along with some samples and a prescription. Well, No Mas is buzzing and not in a good way. Room is spinning so I crawled into jammies and bed. Hopefully someone calls to check on me later just in case I'm lying here drooling and crapping myself. I've got my phones but 911 won't be able to get onto the property without a gate code - if they can locate me out here. Don't worry, I'm a tough gal - just don't like feeling miserably drugged out on drugs that aren't making me happy. Strange how I felt fine yesterday, then doc starts doping me and I feel like crap.

Funny recollection: My paternal grandmother was a hoot. She was always saying, "My ole head isa spinnin." Yep, mine too.

Black-eyed Pea Casserole

Too late for New Years Day but this is simple and would be good anytime. Plus you could use low fat, low sodium soups. I have not made this, yet. But as always, I would make it my own since I never follow a recipe: Probably add more cheese - some cheddar; some jalapeno jack and use the extra spicy Rotel.


One can of blackeyed peas with jalapenos
One can of plain blackeyed peas
One and a half pounds of ground beef
One onion-chopped
One teaspoon minced garlic
One can of Rotel
One can of cream of chicken soup
One can of cream of mushroom soup
One can of mild enchilada sauce
One dozen corn tortillas torn in fourths
Two cups of grated cheddar cheese

Prepare by sauteing beef and garlic until lightly browned. Drain excess fat. Stir in remaining ingredients, excluding onions, tortillas and cheese. Layer tortillas on the bottom of a 13 X 9 casserole dish, followed by meat mixture, followed by onions and cheese. Repeat layering process. Top with remaining cheese and bake at 350 for 35 minutes.


I was told: This came from a local man, who said his mom fixed this every New Years and still does. His recipe won him a trip to be on Emeril.

Big Baby

This is what the little guy would have looked like grown. You cannot imagine the beauty up close.

Beauty's Death

I would do anything to see this guy running through my fields; alas, I enjoyed him for 10 days. First seeing him Christmas morning.

High Blood Pressure

Earlier I commented that my blood pressure was so high at the doctor's office, they gave me medication and made me stay for awhile. I just researched this: "A blood pressure level of 140/90 mmHg or higher is considered high."

Mine was 187/124! As I also said, I have never had blood pressure problems. The doc scared the crap out of me when he started calling for the nurse to get me medication NOW and told me that I should be scared. Guess it's a good thing I had an appointment this morning or I could be here drooling and crapping myself until someone decided to check on me. And guys, I'm in my early 40's and in great shape!

I have to take 3 more pills and return in the morning. So get your blood pressure checked at the local pharmacy, at least!

Some Things Are More Important

While I am fretting about a beautiful buck being killed this morning Sgt. Hook points me in another direction. Read his post.

Dang Animals!

Well, it is with a sad heart that I report: My big dog, BOB, took the black buck down this morning. I tried to get to them as fast as I could but alas he was killed. I couldn't be angier at that dog. curse, curse, curse. Will post more later.

Bizarre Death

Before Christmas, the Texas Highways magazine editor was killed in a fire that authorities are saying he started. I have been waiting to hear of a final cause of death announcement and it seems the story is the same: Jack Lowry commited suicide by starting a fire in his closet!

Come on - this makes no sense. I have never heard of someone killing themselves in this manner. Some people set themselves on fire, but to intentionally suffocate from smoke inhalation?

Anyway, his wife was able to get out of the home but no mention was made of his 3 children.

Funny Signs

Texas Tuesday: Old Log Cabins

Moving to the farm involved a downsize in home and an upsize in land. Actually, my barn is bigger than my house and is filled with extra furniture that I probably should get shed of. I anticipated building a neat house out here to fulfill my dream of life on the farm, but, as we all know, life doesn't exactly work the way WE want it to work.
So here I am wanting one of these fabulous old cabins and facing difficult decisions on the horizon.

Black Buck Picture

As promised, here is a photo of the black buck. He stood at this gate for at least an hour, pacing back and forth. I sure hope to see him again.

Toddler Found Playing Along Busy Highway

Did you see this? It reminded me of a time in East Texas. I was in a store that had a police scanner. Someone had called in to report a small child around 2 or 3 years of age walking on the freeway. The officer asked the dispatcher if the kid was on the side of the road or in the road. Geeze, like it mattered! The kid was in danger's way!

New Friends

I have added a few new links. Some of these folks I have been reading for awhile but never linked them until now. Others are newly discovered. Check them out.

A Day in the Life - won Bestest Blog for January 1st

Sgt Hook

Otis (from Hammer's site)

Anne (from Hammer's site)

Who Are We – Jesse is a guest blogger on Bestest Blog

My Brain Hates Me – Steve

Texas RV Travel – couple post about their travels

Mom is Nutz - lists freebies

Starrlight – Here Comes a Storm in the Form of a Girl