Top Ten Reasons You're Too Old to Trick or Treat

You know you are too old to Trick or Treat when:
10. You get winded from knocking on the door.
9. You have to have someone else chew the candy for you.
8. You ask for high fiber candy only.
7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.
6. People say: "Great Boris Karloff Mask," and you're not wearing a mask.
5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or ." and can't remember the rest.
4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.
3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.
2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.

And the number one reason Seniors should not go Trick Or Treating...
1. You keep having to go home to pee.

Minor Accomplishments

Last night I discovered a quirky show on IFC: http://www.ifc.com/series?aId=17930. Dry laughs abound! Being on a farm, chores and projects never end. I use to be a go-getter, completing numerous tasks quickly. Now, I find myself jumping from one fire to another hoping to return to the original task at hand. AAAHHH, frustrating. Hubby, on the other hand likes to begin a project, start another and hopefully complete something. (I call that half-ass, much to his dismay and anger). Now a rant: we have been painting the outside of the house going on a couple of months now. It is almost complete except for the trim which was left for me. He was able to use the sprayer (easy part) to paint the siding. Now a new project, fencing off part of the property to retain the steers before selling, slaughter, whatever, is in the works as well. Hubby wants to go hunting in Colorado for the weekend despite promising to help me wrap up these projects. I asked him to stay in town - well, pout, pout, pout. Remember, he just went to a wild game resort last month to hunt so I'm not neglecting his need to get away. Hell, last time I left the farm for a day, he had practically destroyed the house because a bee had visited. There were shelves knocked off the wall, light fixtures broken, mud tracked all over the place due to his attempt to kill the bee! I had alot of fun cleaning that mess. Spoiled brat, he is! Minor accomplishments.

Stop the Breeding

http://www.statesman.com/news/content/news/stories/local/10/28/28haysabuse.html

This makes me sick to my stomach and causes me to feel violent toward these folks. No question about it - they should both be sterilized. Please, let me do the sterilization!!!

Thank You Kim

My baby Alyssa.












Yesterday's post on corporate policies and Hammer's recollections of jobs gone bad (http://whenyouronlytoolisahammer.blogspot.com/) have me remembering a wonderful working relationship with a gay male attorney named Kim Brown - if that isn't ironic. Anyhow, he frequently threw himself on the floor and screamed horrible rantings. One of my favorite lines from him, "When green monkeys fly out of my ass....." Hilariously mind altering, he could always bring my laughter to tears, which only infuriated him further. My favorite response to him, "Woulda, coulda, shoulda." Ah, the good ole corporate days.

Corporate Policies

Thank you to my Canadian friend Lisa for this posting. (Sorry Anthony, I must keep this "joke" for myself)!

DRESS CODE
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

SICK DAYS
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. Personal Days Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

TOILET USE
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

LUNCH BREAK
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

COMPLAINTS
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed to your spouses.

Mo & Ceri

Aren't we cute Bengal & Siamese babies?!

First Hint of Fall

The animals become feisty when the weather changes from sultry, breathtaking heat to any reprieve involving comfort. This morning the temperature was 42 F - a shocking difference from yesterday's 90 F. Gus calf managed to get into the front yard despite electric fence and barbed wire. I heard a commotion and looked outside to see the little 200 pound terror bucking and twirling in circles. And what could have gotten him so excited? Well, it was none other than little 4 pound Siamese Ceri playfully running at him! She is fearless. I wish my camera had been ready.

Congratulations or Condolences

Today, my husband & I have been married 12 years! We spoke our own written vows under a full moon in the rose garden of Barr Mansion www.barrmansion.com Unfortunately, the weather was not nearly as fall-like as today's weather.

Crying Game Update

A brief update on misc: Bari is still MIA; JL is feeling somewhat better after the wreck (due to Rx 800mg Ibuprophin); Arlene's memorial service was on Saturday; Rob's (our good friend/the best man at our wedding) mother has been given a couple months to succumb to her recently diagnosed ovarian cancer- Rob died May 2005 of pancreatic cancer; my brother's girlfriend of 8 years ran away (packed her belongings while he was away on business-they did NOT want marriage); Jace's eye is much better although the vet believes he will have diminished site; my Epstein Barr is kicking it in this week - wha, wha, wha, wha, wha.

Notable (MY RANT): most people keeping illness/cancer blogs do not state symptoms (of course, doing so can cause others to become a hypocondriac): Rob began having leg pain December 2005. After a week, the leg cramp pain forced him to the emergency room. After being told that he had deep vein thrombosis, being provided appropriate medication, seeing numerous physicians weeks thereafter, ending with using a wheel chair in January, he was diagnosed with stage IV pancreatic cancer on February 14, 2005 and died on May 11, 2005. He subjected himself to palliative chemotherapy and radiation. He also never walked again from December, 04 until his death. He never pursued alternative care or specialty cancer hospital. In fact, he and his family did not contact hospice. I called hospice in his area and requested they call him. He avoided them for about a month then responded to their original call. His mother, thank goodness, has requested hospice for her illness. Sometimes I wonder if people hear "rape children" instead of "call hospice." Why are we so anti-drug and anti-family support when it comes to death?
Another note: I think most cancer is a virus. Arlene had a cat die of cancer one year previous to her diagnosis. Now Rob's mother (he was taking care of her at the time of his diagnosis) has terminal cancer. What do you think???

Bull and More Bull

There is bull --- and even worse: Flavor Flav on TV tonight. So, I'm watching PBR rodeo - which brings me to posting this picture of one of my parent's bulls. This is Bo's Excuse at a PBR event in Oklahoma earlier this year. For anyone doubting the care of these animals, rest assured that they are treated as well as any athlete. In fact, I just discovered that they even are given Gatorade after their massages!

We Love Corporate Life

Please visit a couple of my dear friends. They both work very hard and take their jobs seriously.

Good luck to my friend and former coworker ( in Austin) David on his campaign.

http://www.judgedavidpayne.org/



Last but not least, CONGRATULATIONS to my friend Lupe who was recently promoted as DIRECTOR of Bexar County Extension Agency!! You go girl. (By the way guys, she's single and quite a little firecracker)!

http://bexar-tx.tamu.edu/

A link to some of her fine work:
http://agnews.tamu.edu/dailynews/stories/CFAM/Aug1805a.htm

Cattle Call

Here are pixs of three of my cattle. They are all registered Longhorns and are lovingly sweet.

BCC Zach's Future Queen "Queenie" with new
baby LL Farm Chex "Call" born 6/22/06














LL Farm U.S. Augustus "Gus" at 24 hrs old born 7/4/06

Oh, Brother

Friday the thirteenth has never found me superstitious. Friendly spooks and goblins are welcome visitors - if I ever have the pleasure of that sort of company!! However, there must be some extraordinary factors at work with this particular full moon phase: JL was in what could have been a fatal car crash, Arlene passed and now I hear that Corey had to euthanize his dog-baby Hershey.
A few years ago, Corey took a life-changing leap that most of us wish we had the tenacity to do. He quit a six-figure job and moved out-of-state to pursue a life-long dream: attending Frank Lloyd Wright's architecture school in Arizona. With a divorce under his belt (possibly due to the strain of the move) and a total change of his life, he had to euthanize his little dog. I ponder: which is more painful - the reconstruction of one's life or the loss of one's dear friend? Having experienced both, I still am unsure of the answer.
I read somewhere today: animals are put on earth for a short time in comparison to humans because they do not have to learn how to love.
And, a happy belated birthday to my little brother.

THE DRAGON FLY STORY

Down below the surface of a quiet pond lived a little colony of water bugs. They were a happy colony, living far away from the sun. For many months they were very busy, scurrying over the soft mud on the bottom of the pond. They did notice that every once in awhile one of their colony seemed to lose interest in going about. Clinging to the stem of a pond lily it gradually moved out of sight and was seen no more."Look!" said one of the water bugs to another. "one of our colony is climbing up the lily stalk. Where do you think she is going?" Up, up, up it slowly went....Even as they watched, the water bug disappeared from sight. Its friends waited and waited but it didn't return..."That's funny!" said one water bug to another. "Wasn't she happy here?" asked a second... "Where do you suppose she went?" wondered a third.No one had an answer. They were greatly puzzled. Finally one of the water bugs, a leader in the colony, gathered its friends together. "I have an idea". "The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk must promise to come back and tell us where he or she went and why.""We promise", they said solemnly.One spring day, not long after, the very water bug who had suggested the plan found himself climbing up the lily stalk. Up, up, up, he went. Before he knew what was happening, he had broke through the surface of the water and fallen onto the broad, green lily pad above.When he awoke, he looked about with surprise. He couldn't believe what he saw. A startling change had come to his old body. His movement revealed four silver wings and a long tail. Even as he struggled, he felt an impulse to move his wings...The warmth of the sun soon dried the moisture from the new body. He moved his wings again and suddenly found himself up above the water. He had become a dragonfly!!Swooping and dipping in great curves, he flew through the air. He felt exhilarated in the new atmosphere. By and by the new dragonfly lighted happily on a lily pad to rest. Then it was that he chanced to look below to the bottom of the pond. Why, he was right above his old friends, the water bugs! There they were scurrying around, just as he had been doing some time before.The dragonfly remembered the promise: "the next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk will come back and tell where he or she went and why." Without thinking, the dragonfly darted down. Suddenly he hit the surface of the water and bounced away. Now that he was a dragonfly, he could no longer go into the water..."I can't return!" he said in dismay. "At least, I tried. But I can't keep my promise. Even if I could go back, not one of the water bugs would know me in my new body. I guess I'll just have to wait until they become dragonflies too. Then they'll understand what has happened to me, and where I went."And the dragonfly winged off happily into its wonderful new world of sun and air.......
Arlene flew away yesterday morning.

Ah Yes, Our Tax Dollars At Work

In reading another member's blog, I was reminded of this cold case report. It is just too good not to recollect here. I hope he is receiving good meals. Although, I don't know what Travis County jail serves diners, Hays County (San Marcos, Texas) Sheriff Hastings' administration used to purchase steaks in the early 90's (although those could have been going home with the staff - that's another story I might record some other time). Enjoy, dear readers.
http://www.kxan.com/Global/story.asp?s=5081359

Our friend Corey is arriving to go hunting on a wild game ranch with JL. (Don't get me started about my feelings of hunting)..... But, I'll be glad to see Corey; it has been awhile. BTW: Is this typeface easier to read??? I could hardly review my posts due to the small type - yikes!! I'm not THAT old am I? (Rhetorical - you better not answer that).

Another kitty Picture

This is Bari. Pretty boy that loves water! He is one of the Bengal cats of Arlene's that I adopted recently due to her deteriorating health. Once I take a good picture of MoMo, I will post it as well. (Bari has been MIA for 2 days and I'm worried about him as he is declawed - I think he is hiding in the barn, however.)

My Baby Ceri

My little "love muffin" is 16 weeks old now! Ceri means "love" in Celtic language and she has this habit of jumping to my neck (almost acceptable at 1.5 lbs) and slobbering/neck nursing and painfully kneading me "makin' muffins" until I can no longer stand the nails. My JL adopted her from a shelter where she was kept isolated for weeks due to ringworm being treated, thus my belief she wants nurturing as she was abandoned in numeous ways. She and Jace (see my first entry) are the only inside cats since she is a baby and Jace has an eye injury that must be medicated every other hour. So, NO, I don't have all 7 cats in the house! Yikes!
UPDATE ON JL: Despite not having any physical symptoms from the automobile accident yesterday (his airbag didn't even employ), he had trouble breathing last night and his back is hurting today. I suspect he may have sustained some trauma but we will not know until his visit with a doctor tomorrow.

All Time Something

Husband's car was totaled at 6:45 am today. On his way to class for work, some idiot rear-ended him and shoved him into another car while entering the freeway! So far he says he is in no pain; however, tomorrow may bring another story. So by 8 am, he had been in a wreck, had dealt with insurance company and police, had the dealership tow his car, and had rented a car to FINALLY get to work class. Do you think I should ask him to pick up dinner on his way home??
BTW Jace's eye looks much better than before but it is far from healed.
Must add the icing, if you will, to my husband's morning adventure: the wreck occurred near a daycare and he was left sitting/waiting for a ride (while sweating - and I might say he was looking pretty sexy cute this AM when he left home) on the curb outside the fence line while the toddlers carried on outside!!! Yeah, he was fit to be tied.... Glad I wasn't there, as I'm sure you all are.

Don't Wait Until The Last Minute

I'm obsessed with death. Don't we all want to know about an afterlife? Every chance I get, I read and ask about people experiencing someone dying. Thus, I consider myself somewhat "educated" about this ultimate stage of life and contemplate experiencing my own death - I think it will be so cool - a culmination of everything. (I know, I'm weird). BUT, since my friend Arlene was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer in September, 2005, I have tried to discuss hospice care with her and her husband. Neither has wanted to have that discussion. He has said he "spoke to them briefly;" she indicated that she won't need hospice cause she has a stash of morphine to end it all if need be.... Excuses a plenty for not discussing hospice with me. Of course it not being my business, I'd shut my mouth and apologize for upsetting anyone. (Not that I didn't bring it up to them more than once). Well now, at the last hours, she is actively dying (couldn't locate the morphine if she tried) and he had to rush to locate a hospice and has just for the first time read about the stages of active death. They told me previously that an indebted discussion with her doctors regarding what to expect. Obviously it was not indebted as I am finding out. Her husband was beside himself (crying hysterically) on Friday due to some of the symptoms Arlene was exhibiting - sleeping excessively, forgetting why he helped her to the bathroom, seeing her cats (that are here with me) run across her bed, etc. I feel so guilty for not forcing the subject early on. When visiting the cats a week ago (September 23rd), I knew it was to be the last time and that Arlene knew her "time" was soon; her husband did not. Reasons I knew: she was speaking and walking ALOT slower than the week before, and she left Bari's favorite koala bear saying "it was time" to leave it (the only toy she has brought back and forth for visits over the past few weeks since giving me her cats - "babies"). Now she is in no condition to state her ultimate care wishes. Despite having her directives and will in place that is not preventing her husband from giving her pills as suppositories (as he told me today) and I'm sure she would have rather discussed an IV with hospice when she had the chance. PLEASE, for the sake of your loved ones, read the following "How To Choose A Hospice" located on the right hand side of the attached blog. Then search for anything on hospice to learn about end of life. If anyone is interested in reading about deaths - everything from talking to angels, to horrible suffering (knowing about this suffering helps prevent your own) - let me know and I will direct you to said articles.
http://hospiceblog.blogspot.com/2004/12/hivaids-and-hospice.html
Sorry if this seems so macabe but I think it is more macabe to be a mental wreck while trying to soothe a loved one. It ain't all about the drugs! (pixs of better times to follow) BTW - we first met our friends as neighbors building our homes next door to each other in August, 1994. So we are truly like family.

Another Vet Bill

My very first post.... Every week finds me calling our local veterinarian. This morning, Jace (my big black cat) had a visit to address a scratched cornea. He had been MIA for 2 days - arriving home on Saturday night with an ugly, ugly eye. Luckily, I had some eye antibiotic on hand from another animal's injury some months ago, so I was able to start treating it without an emergency vet bill. He is now on an oral antibiotic and two different eye meds. Hopefully, he will not lose the eye. Alas, we'll know Wednesday or Thursday on a followup appointment. On another note: I have not received word on Arlene (my friend that is dying of lung cancer) since I spoke to her husband Gene on Friday. He was very upset and crying then. However, I was able to speak to her for a few minutes - she's still fairly cognizant - and she said "I'm not dead yet." Still the spunky little woman she has always been! Family friends Tom & JoAnn are still at the hospital following his heart attack this past weekend. From all accounts, he is doing fairly well. Husband was gone all day to a class with his company only to come home grouchy. OW.