Snake in My Shoe

TEXAS TUESDAY: Farmers Are Not Dumb

2008-08-19T15:25:00.003-05:00

A Department of Water Resources representative stops at a Texas ranch and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for your water allocation."

The old rancher says, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there." The Water representative says, "Mister, I have the Authority of the Federal Government with me. See this card? This card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land. No questions asked or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?" The old rancher nods politely and goes about his chores.

Later, the old rancher hears loud screams and spies the Water Rep running for his life. Close behind is the rancher's bull.The bull is gaining with every step.

The Rep is clearly terrified, so the old rancher immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs,

"YOUR CARD! SHOW HIM YOUR CARD!"

Oh my word! I cannot believe it has been a year since I last posted.

Dear Hammer, thank you for checking in on me. Have all others abandoned this ship as I did?!? Actually, it has been one HELL of a year which I should relay in blog. Truly blogging is healing and supportive.

So, fellow bloggers who were so faithfully my friends, do you want to hear about my past year?

An Italian Anniversary

2007-07-25T13:03:00.000-05:00

At the church's husband's marriage seminar, the Priest asked Luigi, on his upcoming 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Luigi replied to the audience "Well, I'v-a tried to treat-a her well, spend-a the money on her, but-a, da best-a is-a dat I took her to Italy for the 20th- anniversary!

The Priest immediately commented, "Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell the audience what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary..."

Luigi proudly replied, "I'm-a gonna go and-a get her."

Ed Note:
My dear fellow bloggers, Please forgive my fairly extended absence. Instead of today's joke, I should write a novel relaying events of previous weeks. Cliff note version: My elder cow gave a surprise birth to a new bull calf - I have named Who's the Daddy; my long-time barn cat who moved to the farm with me has disappeared or gone off to die; Best friend borrowed money from me and decided to not return my phone calls anymore; Survived a huge flood that gave us 12 inches of rain in 24 hours; Hubby initiated divorce proceedings which of course I don't want and have been devastated; met and dated a guy for a couple weeks who has pancreatic cancer and didn't treat me so well (meds or his general attitude?); was stood up on a couple of dates with other jerks; then last week met the neatest man in line at the store - we have been inseparable. Don't want to jinx myself, so I will leave you with the promise of REALLY updating and visiting your sites soon. Thank you for your continued cyber friendship and support! Cyber hugs, NoMas

Just For Slick Michael

2007-07-11T16:50:00.000-05:00

LITTLE JOHNNY STRIKES AGAIN

The teacher asked the class to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate, not fascinating."

ally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City and I was "fascinated."

The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate."

Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before.

She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate," so she called on him.

Johnny said, "My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight."

The teacher sat down and cried.

And SLICK was thrilled to see a new post here and fastinated that it was about boobs! (Damn that was tough cause I just feel like hibernating!)

Check out this site: http://www.bigboobsalert.com/

Best F%^&ing Wishes

2007-07-05T10:00:00.000-05:00

Sentemtality

2007-06-28T15:33:00.000-05:00

Aw, since I am feeling the love from some of my personal friends, I decided to share a little with my dear blogger friends!

Interesting Health Fact

Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve
that connects the eyeball to the anus?

It's called the Anal Optic Nerve, and it is responsible for
giving people a shitty outlook on life.

If you don't believe it, try to pull a hair from your arse and
see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye.

Texas Tuesday: Friends

2007-06-26T10:28:00.000-05:00

Texas Friends:

FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Always bring the food.

FRIENDS: Will say "hello".
TEXAS FRIENDS: Will give you a big hug and a kiss.

FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Call your parents Mom and Dad

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Cry with you.

FRIENDS: Will eat at your dinner table and leave.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Will spend hours there, talking, laughing and just being
together, and then clean up.

FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds' ass's that left you.

FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, "I'm home!"

FRIENDS: Are for a while.
TEXAS FRIENDS: Are for life.

X-Rated Revisited Questions & Answers, et al

2007-06-22T12:00:00.000-05:00

Dear Readers: My apologies for neglecting you. I have been busy with numerous projects and promise to visit each of you soon. A big thank you to STARRLIGHT for mentioning me as a

Q: What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?

A: Spitting, swallowing and gargling.

Q: How do you embarrass an archeologist?

A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

A: Wiped his ass.

Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?

A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

Q: How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?

A: The cake jumps out of the girl.

Q: How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?

A: Put a nipple on it

Q: What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak

Q: How is pubic hair like parsley?

A: You push it to the side before you start eating.

Q: What do you do when your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you?

A: Shorten her chain

Q: What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?

A: They can both smell it but can't eat it.

Q: How is a woman like a condom?

A: Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

Q: What is the similarity between a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken?

A: By the time you've finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is a greasy box to pop your bone in.

Q: How are twisters (tornadoes) and marriage alike?

A: They both begin with a lot of blowing and sucking and in the end you lose your house.

Q: Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?

A: Because everybody who can run, jump, and swim are already in America.

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

Q: What's brown and often found in children's underpants?

A: Michael Jackson's hand.

Q: Why do women have two sets of lips?

A: So they can piss and moan at the same time.

Q: What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?

A: A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps with everyone at the party except you.

The Wooden Bowl

2007-06-18T09:09:00.000-05:00

A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year-old grandson. The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered.

The family ate together at the table. But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth.

The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess. "We must do something about father," said the son. "I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor."

So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner. Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl! When the family glanced in Grandfather's direction, sometime he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or>spilled food.

The four-year-old watched it all in silence. One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, "What are you making?" Just as sweetly, the boy responded, "Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up."

The four-year-old smiled and went back to work. The words so struck the parents so that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done. That evening the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.

Friday Freakies

2007-06-08T09:39:00.000-05:00

This guy loved his tattoo until he was convicted and sent to the penitentiary.

What Type of Candy Are You?

2007-06-07T10:15:00.000-05:00

(Lazy, but fun post)

You scored as 3 Musketeers, You are a 3 Musketeers. You are a very loyal and romantic person - you love to cuddle! You enjoy simple pleasures and are very content with your life. You have lots of friends and everyone you meet likes you!

3 Musketeers

70%

Twix

65%

Skittles/Gummi Bears

60%

Hershey Bar

60%

Jolly Ranchers

55%

M&M\'s

50%

KitKat/Crunch Bar

35%

Reese's Peanut Butter Cup

35%

*What Type of Candy Are You?* (w/pics.)
created with QuizFarm.com

Will I Live To Be 85?

2007-06-06T11:02:00.000-05:00

(Having a mini-meltdown, so taking a mini break. Enjoy a laugh!)

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age.

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking Him, "Do you think I'll live to be 85?"

He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?"

"Oh no," I replied. "I'm not doing drugs, either!"

Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"

I said, "No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!"

"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, Hiking, or bicycling?"

No, I don't," I said.

He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"

"No," I said.

He looked at me and said, "Then, why do you even give a shit?"

MAYA ANGELOU POEM

2007-06-01T11:23:00.000-05:00

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...a youth she's content to leave behind....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .....a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family..

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....a feeling of control over her destiny...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...how to fall in love without losing herself..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...HOW TO QUIT A JOB, BREAK UP WITH A LOVER, AND CONFRONT A FRIEND WITHOUT RUINING THE FRIENDSHIP...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...that her childhood may not have been perfect...but its over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...whom she can trust,whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...where to go...be it to her best friend's kitchen table...or a charming inn in the woods...when her soul needs soothing...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...what she can and can't accomplish in a day...a month...and a year...

On-Line Personals: Part 5: Descriptions #2

2007-05-31T02:30:00.000-05:00

Description: The Basis of all Interaction

Finding the right person involves thoughtful wording in your description. Such as the following which are verbatim:

"Does anyone have a pulse anymore?

"I really hate this part, but here we go. I see no need to paint a picture of what im not. Im very laid back. Its the little things in life that matter. If you dont realize this, we shouldnt talk."

"I'm a single father of my 6 yr old son. We're sports freaks! I travel all around DFw for my job. Living life day by day! I'm laid back, don't care to fight or argue. Just want to have fun!!!!! " (means he wants a babysitter and a maid so that he can lie on the couch and watch sports all day and hey, while he travels, you watch the kid)

"No fatties--wealthy onlyI only want one woman"

"My name is Brion with a O yes.. a O.... as in outstanding."

"It seems like the more I learn about myself the more I realize how little I know about myself. If you even remotely understood the previous sentence then you have scored some points already."

"Lean towards women that are smaller, not dominating and are open to experiencing new things with me...." (potential rapist)

"TOO HANDSOME FOR PICS" " "OK I CAN T TELL YOU MY NAME MY PHONE NUMBER OR ADDRESS, LIKES I THINK I ALREADY SAID IN MY INTEREST AND BY SFISHING I DON T MEAN WITH A POLE I MEAN ONLINE FISHING, OK , I LOVE A WOMAN TO COOK FOR ME BECAUSE I CANT COOK WORTH A .......

"looking for some fun. Go out drinking, maybe a little fun. I like seafood and steak. I like a woman with a soft touch but can be forcefull, when she wants to be."

"coon ass is the best kinda of ass im just a country boy i guess you could say i dont know what im looking for but im open for anything i have been devoiced for a bout a year and i really just want to have fun but who knows what may com."

ALERT: Tonight is the Blue Full Moon and is alleged to be magical when gazed upon and wishes made.

One Way To Look At It

2007-05-30T10:00:00.000-05:00

Well, I am just in the mood to stay in bed all day - if only I could. So with that in mind, let us start the day with a sense of humor. Have a wonderful day blogger friends!

A wife and her husband were sitting at a table at his high school reunion, and he kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

His wife asks, "Do you know her?"

"Yes," he sighed, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."

"My goodness!" says the wife, Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

View For Hammer & An Online Apology

2007-05-25T09:00:00.000-05:00

Hammer: For your aforementioned eyes (yours too, Slick):

I am a Libra, ya know, so don't unbalance my scales of justice!

An online apology, in the form of a poem, for mentioning a topic I deemed offensive (I still do not think I will date him):

With my mouth filled
by my foot once again
It was never my intent
of you to offend.
Not thinking about
the subject I chose
What the heck I thinking
God only knows.
No hidden meaning
was it supposed to imply
Nor was there anything
that I was attempting to try.
And now do I hope
you will try overlook
My poor judgment of topic
that I unwittingly took.

Time Out - Going to Get My Car Washed

2007-05-24T05:57:00.000-05:00

Things We Can Learn From A Dog - Great Dating Tips

2007-05-23T09:29:00.000-05:00

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride.

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.

Let others know when they've invaded your territory.

Take naps and stretch before rising.

Run, romp, and play daily.

Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.

Be loyal.

Never pretend to be something you're not.

If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lay under shady trees.

When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout...run right back and make friends.

Bond with your pack.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you'll get what you want.

Don't go out without ID.

When you do something wrong, always take responsibility (as soon asyou're dragged out from under the bed!)

If at first you don't succeed, whine real loud.

Don't settle for cheap food.

Play nicely with others, but remind them that it's your toy.

Rainy days are best spent indoors.

When a loud thunderstorm comes at night, and the ones you need to impress with your bravery are asleep, it's okay to hide under the bed.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Editors note: Thanks to those of you who privately emailed me to offer support. You truely are dear cyber-friends.

Spoke to my husband to verify that he would never just serve me divorce papers without discussing said fact. He is a very good man and I know he would never attempt to hurt me. In fact let me say he never once spoke unkindly to me in 16 years - always a true Southern gentleman.

He also verified that he was indeed seeing someone else but that "she is no substitute for you" and "your name is on my lips everyday" but "we have to dissolve this."

Okay, so I was wallowing in my own pity but pulled myself together and got my girlfriend through her horrible day.

It Never Stops

2007-05-22T12:41:00.000-05:00

GIRLFRIEND WAS SERVED DIVORCE PAPERS TODAY - PLEASE, FOR MY SANITY, HOPE THE SAME ISN'T HAPPENING TO ME TODAY. HER HUBBY AND MINE ARE FRIENDS WITH PLANS....

Broken Hearted Idiot

2007-05-21T12:52:00.000-05:00

Okay, blogger comments seems to be missing on today's post so please just use this section. I'll be back later for hopefully encouraging comments. Otherwise I just need a valium to get through this day.

Thanks Starrlight for notifying me.

What's a Broken Hearted Girl To Do?

2007-05-21T07:08:00.000-05:00

Why stomp tears!

Scratch one thing I had never done off my list: dancing on a bar. I just had to join this cute little number Saturday night when she invited me. And check out the awesome silver bracelet a friend gave me!

How Slick is Slick?

2007-05-19T11:53:00.000-05:00

The newlyweds have returned.

While his sweetheart is in the honeymoon suite, Slick is down at the blackjack table. In his own words:

“Yup, count me in” I said in my best southern macho drawl full of confidence and shit…

Go over and give him hell....

Hot Date Tonight

2007-05-18T14:25:00.000-05:00

Being cute, open, honest, giving, loving, caring, understanding - all the exceptional qualities that make me ME - I was able to snag a date with this hottie. Wish me luck!

AND A HAPPY 44th WEDDING ANNIVERSARY TO MY PARENTS! WAY TO GO.

OnLine Personal Part 4 - Descriptions

2007-05-18T09:00:00.000-05:00

A few of my matches, in their own words:

"I am a man....not really looking for long termish, just laid back friendship. getting to know girls, ladies and woman for friendships and possibly more."

"looking for women between the ages of 40 and 70"

"I guess I would say that I'm normal in the sense that I'm not a mass murderer or a drug dealer or anything."

"i like a woman that knows what she wants and keeps her house clean"

"Pirate in search of lost bootyOk wenches here's the deal. I shall throw caution to the wind, and put my cards on the table. If you are looking to find your "Knight in Shining Armor", then I suggest you just keep on looking!"

"I am a semi-retired,widow. I am going to school to be a psychologist. maybe I'll find whats wrong with me!"

"don't be salty if it take a brotha a minute to respond"

"HEY WATS UP IAM JOHN FROM PALESTINE TX 21 AND SINGLE- I HAD A GF SHE DUMPED FOR STUPID STUFF SAYING IAM EMOTIONAL AND STUFF MAN THAN SHE SAID I DONT CARE SHE STOOD ME UP ON VALINTIENES DAY AND BROKE UP WIT ME THIER IS NO HOPE. I WILL TAKE THE GURL OUT SOME WERE NICE AND TAKE THEM TO DA MOVIES."

"ABOUT ME,WELL IVE MARRIED BEFORE AT LEAST ONCE I THINK AND IM READY FOR A WOMAN THATS, TO BEGIN WITH,NOT OVERWEIGHT,SORRY BUT THE LAST 3 LADIES IVE HAD WERE LARGE AND CLAIMED THEY WERE GONNA LOSE IT . IF NOT TOO LARGE FOR MY HARLEY,LIKE TO DRINK A LITTLE BEER AND HAVE A LOT OF GOOD SEX WITH YOUR MAN THEN LETS TALK! "

"i am not a perv, so no worries"

"WELL IMA DUDE DAT LIKES TO TRY ALL THINGS. LIKE TO GET ****ED UP AND DO ****ED UP sh*tAT TIMES."

"I've been married twice. The third will be the charmer. "

"Mama tried to raise me better....."

"first you should know there is nothing left on the right side of my brain and theres nothing right on the left."

" i love my mother, i have nice teeth and i shower regualarly. im a real go getter."

"okay here goes nothing.... Iam a normal 27 year old guy who doesnt have a clue what hes doin."

"Yo, im crazy passionate, hopless romantic, with a horrible attitude."

"I was born on the highest peak of the Smokey mountains. My daddy ran moonshine and my grandpa was the town doctor."

"I am a big dark brother that is looking for a sweet lady that loves to have fun and sometimes feel like getting a little freaky."

"i am looking for sex, no strings. i love to please women-i love to be pleased. nothing is hotter than a womans body-i have a nice 8 inch****and i love to suck on wet p---y. " (now this is straightforward)

"i like to go riding on the greyhound for fun ."

" i use to skateboard a lot, but since i purchased a truck all i have time to do is pay bills and hang out!"

"my names buck, friends call me ghost. i'm about 6"3', 230 pounds, atheltic. i'm very pugnacious."

"Charlie Daniels Long haired country boy . thats kinda how i feel im not a perfectiones't by any means I do have my own standers i try to live by . i have a dry sence of hummer with a good hart ! "

"im a college student, im always listening to music of all kinds, i draw, paint, sculpt, sketch and alot of digital graphics as well, im at the gym alomst every day, but i drink...kind of alot and i only smoke when i get drunk. "

"whats goin on folks im nate...um...describin myself...well 9 tats 1 piercing (soon to be more)...tattoos are fun...um i like to work on my truck way to damn much..tryin to get back into partyin alot ."

"I have a bachelor's degree but have not yet found a career. I am independent so no need to worry about that."

"im a oil field trash kinda guy lookin for a woman who knows what she wants, and knows how to get it. "

"im tired of liers and cheaters that dont know what so they have fun by playing games which i always lose and stay with the prize of sadness and pain. "

"hello i like to a big woman and big hooter "

"I am not one who was born in the possession of knowledge; I am one who is fond of antiquity, and earnest in seeking it there. "

"Lookin 4 WOMEN 2 feed me THIER LOVe BoX"

"Do you want to know what makes me different from other guys is my capablity to hide under the bed, behind curtins, my ability to stay quiet in the closet for long periods of time. "

"For your own safety, do not include your name, phone number or address. "

" I can hang out if that's all you want-our encouters will be few. I can hang with dancing,partying and pure sex-our encopunters will be often."

" am verbally abusive and have a hair trigger temper. I once hit my mother with a broom stick 'cause she did me wrong. Fisticuffs have left me face scared. my nose resembles a sweet potato. I drink from about 3:00pm until I pass out( usally about 4:00am).somehow I managed to become a semi -famous writer and painter despite myself."

"There are alot of guys on this site, almost a sausage fest! But how many of these guys really know how to treat a woman sexualy?"

She Gets Jewelry - I Get Heartbreak

2007-05-17T16:37:00.000-05:00

Damn it Miss Tracey! She argues with her boyfriend and look what he gives her to make up: Mom the Minx!

Online Personals: Part 3 - Attention-getting User Names

2007-05-17T04:01:00.000-05:00

One of the most important ways to get noticed is to select an attention-getting user name such as the following:

GotItForU

MrAmazing

BooBoo

BootyPirate

Manlike Horse

PlowBoyzofTx

BadBoyFriend

HotTubDave

On-Line Personals: Part 2 - Looking for

2007-05-16T09:00:00.000-05:00

Everyone is looking for something. The following are a few interpretations of what these on-line folks are REALLY searching for.

Looking for Friends: I want to meet alot of sex partners without any strings attached.

Looking for Straightforward person: I want to screw you in the missonary position.

Looking for someone to hang out: I want to hang my thang out.

Looking for Fun: We can screw and I will have alot of fun doing it.

Looking for Laidback person: I want you to lay back and let me lay you.

I'd love to help you on the farm: Can I come over to your place to screw? That way you won't know where I live and I can stalk you.

Texas Tuesday: I Love Texas

2007-05-15T10:00:00.000-05:00

I Love Texas Ornament and other political gifts are available at this site. Better to let Texas own your heart than a man!

Slick Sumbitch & Trish

2007-05-13T19:01:00.000-05:00

If you haven't done so already, head over to Slick's site and send warm wishes to him and Trish - they are heading to Vegas to get hitched - five days and counting.

Also, be sure and watch the fool's latest video using a turkey call and losing a golf game!!

Texas Tuesday: Love of My Life?

2007-05-08T10:00:00.000-05:00

My New Boyfriend

2007-05-07T10:47:00.000-05:00

Dear readers,

I'm back from my break. Things have not been all wine and Gerber Daisies but alas. Meanwhile, I will embark on posting dating issues.

Break

2007-04-11T10:35:00.000-05:00

Hey guys: I am taking a mini break to focus on myself. I am finally having an epiphany and energy! Hang in there because y'all have been holding me up for months! Thanks you all, dears. See ya soon.

Texas Tuesday: Wetback English

2007-04-11T00:32:00.000-05:00

Learn Wetback English via video.

On a funny note: years ago, my dad had an illegal alien teenager living with us. He worked for my dad during the days and I taught him English/he taught me some Spanish in the evening. One night Dad was teasing him by calling him a wetback. He responded, "Me no back wet. came on boat!" he he
He was an awesome young man who returned to Mexico, became a police officer and got married. He, his wife and baby were killed in a car accident years ago -

Happy Keester!

2007-04-07T21:15:00.000-05:00

New Cars at Show

2007-04-06T20:08:00.000-05:00

Just drool -

Dodge

Mercedes

(Dang, Hammer, did you see these on Yahoo? I want the Mercedes lots of luck, maybe the lottery!)

Easter Bunny

2007-04-05T23:08:00.000-05:00

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth,"Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"

As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"

She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice, "I don't think my python weally gives a thit."

The World's First All-glass Undersea Restaurant Opens

2007-04-04T10:10:00.000-05:00

The Maldives 15 April marks the day that the first ever all-glass undersea restaurant in the world opens its doors for business at the Hilton Maldives Resort & Spa. Ithaa* will sit five meters below the waves of the Indian Ocean, surrounded by a vibrant coral reef and encased in clear acrylic offering diners 270-degrees of panoramic underwater views.

This innovative restaurant is the first of its kind in the world, and is part of a US $25 million re-build of Rangalifinolhu Island, one of the twin islands that make up Hilton Maldives Resort & Spa. This re-build includes the construction of 79 of the most luxurious Beach Villas in the country as well as the Spa Village, a self-contained, over-water 'resort-within-a-resort' consisting of a spa, restaurant and 21 villas.

Blogging Irritants

2007-04-04T02:00:00.000-05:00

Chris over at Blog Ops has posted the top 10 BLOGGING IRRITANTS. I must agree with him - my top irritant is the word verification (can hardly read that stuff and end up trying to comment a couple of times). Enjoy his post!

And what are your blogging irritants?

Flying on Winged Feet

2007-04-03T03:24:00.000-05:00

Please stop over at Steve Meersman's site and leave his wife and three children your condolences. He valiantly recorded his ordeal with ALS aka Lou Gehrig’s disease since August 2005. Thank goodness he is now at peace.

Texas Tuesday: Idiots Running Amok

2007-04-03T02:00:00.000-05:00

True to the saying "all things are bigger in Texas" the following is an account of a big screw up by various Texas idiots.

Back in 2004, a 23 year old fellow named Clayton Daniels wanted to avoid spending 30 days in the county jail for failing to report to his probation officer. He had been given probation for a sexual assault of a young girl. So he faked his death.

Daniel's wife assisted him with locating a corpse since she didn't want the kids to be without their daddy while he spent time in prison. She and her hubby exhumed an 81 year old lady's body and set it afire in a car.

The remains were sent to the Travis County Medical Examiner for autopsy. The body was identified as Clayton Daniels by such identifying factors as "there was a small segment of penis noted."

Texas Rangers had suspicions and began to follow Ms. Daniels. Of course both of the Daniels remained in town. Mr. Daniels dyed his hair, was seen dining out with his wife, and the kids were told that this really wasn't Daddy but new boyfriend Jake.

After much surveillance by the Rangers, and finally another DNA test, authorities arrested the pair. Both were charged with being stupidly imaginative; charges of extreme stupidity against authorities were dropped.

Taking Names

2007-04-02T02:32:00.000-05:00

glumbert.com - 3-year-old trash-talks monsters

Oh, Boy, It Never Ends

2007-03-30T12:53:00.000-05:00

Okay guys, I'm back with a tin can and string. Since my satellite is still intermittently working, I am forced to utilize dial up. My only telephone jack is in the kitchen so I am rigged up at the kitchen counter. Fun oh fun. Plus it is flooding out here again which means the low water crossings have me trapped.

I have attempted to call hubby numerous times this week. He doesn't answer my calls. It is hard enough being separated but this action is hurtful as you may well imagine. I feel abandoned out here in the sticks and mighty depressed.

Yesterday was full of mayhem but thankfully everything turned out alright. First my Bengal cat, Mo, had an abscess on his side (unsure what happened) that was going to require surgery. Once we arrived at the vet office, it was determined that somehow during the night the area in question had burst and drained itself. Yuck. BUT, Mo did not require surgery just antibiotics.

Upon returning home, Tux bunny was not in his pen outside. The little dickens must have climbed the fence. Much ado 15 minutes later, I locate him stretched out in the back pasture enjoying his new found freedom. (See my big dog doesn't kill everything - unlike the black buck incident - guess he learned from his previous 2 days of time out.)

So Tux would not come to me and I was walking all over the place cutting through the barbed wire trying to be careful to not pull another leg injury! Finally, he ran out of breath and I was able to pick him up. Covered in mud, I brought him inside for a bath. Much thankfulness later, it dawned on me that I had avoided a huge vet bill and the loss of a bunny.

Gifts For Teacher

2007-03-28T11:37:00.000-05:00

On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher.

The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.

The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy.

Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box.The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit. She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it."Is it white wine?" she guessed.

"No," the boy replied.

She tasted another drop and asked, "Champagne?"

"No," said the little boy..."It's a puppy!"

Wordless Wednesday

2007-03-28T00:25:00.000-05:00

Bull to Market

2007-03-26T10:22:00.000-05:00

She was in line before us. Alone with a loaded trailer carrying two bulls for slaughter, she had backed up to the loading arena. Gray pony-tailed hair under a baseball cap framed the face of a rough life. In her sparkling, hopeful eyes, I foresee these same circumstances as mine and am at a loss for energy or indications to avoid it.

Cowboy in Gay Bar

2007-03-23T01:57:00.000-05:00

A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar.

"What the heck," he says to himself, "I really want a drink."

When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, "What's the name of your willy?"

The cowboy says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink."

The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your willy. Mine for instance is called NIKE, for the slogan 'Just Do It.' "

That guy down at the end of the bar calls his SNICKERS, because 'I really Satisfies.' "

The cowboy looks dumbfounded, so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over. So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left who is sipping on abeer,"Hey bud, what's the name of yours?"

The man looks back and says with a smile, "TIMEX."

The thirsty cowboy asks,"Why Timex?"

The fella proudly replies, " 'Cause it takes alickin' and keeps on tickin!"

A little shaken, the cowboy turns to two fellas on his right, who happen to be sharing a fruity Margarita and says, "So, what do you guys call yours?"

The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because'Quality is Job One'." Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford lately?"

The guy next to him then says, "I call mine CHEVY.....'Like a Rock!'"And gives a wink!

Even more shaken, the Cowboy has to think for a moment before he comesup with a name for his manhood. Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my willy is SECRET. Now give me a beer."

The bartender begins to pour the cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, "Why Secret?"

The cowboy says, "Because it's 'STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN'!!!!!"

The Gay Times

2007-03-23T00:57:00.000-05:00

In college, I sometimes hung out with a girl from my high school. Imagine my surprise running into her on campus after not having seen her for a few years. A. lived with her boyfriend Chris. Chris was a spoiled little rich kid that had been adopted by a Dallas physician and his wife. Having never worked a day in his life, it wasn't beyond him to degrade people in the service industries. Many times he told managers how they were lowly nothings.

Chris rarely left the apartment, spending most of his time dubbing music to videos such as the Beatles, Rolling Stones, etc. clips to Robert Tilton. (Click on name to view hilarious video.) LOL

A couple of girls would usually be over at the apartment practically every time I visited. One of these girls studied anthropology and we shared a common interest in history, going antiquing, and visiting cemeteries.

One evening a group of us got together for a cookout. Upon discovering that we were missing a needed ingredient, I offered to go to the store. Another gal, that I just met that night volunteered to go with me. We are almost at the store when this gal says," I am attracted to you." WTF. I nearly wreaked the car.

Seeing that I was very shaken up, she informed me that she was bisexual and that the two girls that hung out with Chris were lesbians, stating, "You didn't know?"

Hell no, I didn't know. It never even dawned on me to think about people's sexual preferences.

After realizing that I wasn't that way and after I overcame being freaked out, M.L. and I became good friends - NOT in THAT way. Just friends.

She was a mentor to me: a former military officer, divorced, highly educated and was not the least bit "butch." We became the best of friends and spent numerous hours discussing philosophical issues and life. Never before and never since have I had a friend that I totally trusted and could always depend upon.

After college and meeting my future husband, M.L. and I just sort of drifted apart. I moved and we let time lapse. I have not spoken to her in 15 years.

The other day I was thinking about her and how much I miss having a such a good friend. I sincerely hope wherever she is that happiness abounds in her life.

Wordless Wednesday

2007-03-21T02:10:00.000-05:00

One Kind Act Wednesday

2007-03-21T01:00:00.001-05:00

This was a kind act toward me:

Late last Friday night I decided to go grocery shopping at the new HEB aboout 35 miles away. (It is one of those overwhelming places that is part Central Market and even sells furniture.) As I was trying to drag a huge bag of cat food onto the bottom rack of my cart, a young man (about 12 years of age) ran up to me asking to help. How sweet and it wasn't as if he was standing near me as he was on the horizontal aisle. I thanked him, told him what a gentleman he was and assured his mother that she was doing a great job raising him to be a very nice young man.

Texas Tuesday: Handmade Tables

2007-03-20T09:35:00.000-05:00

While traveling through Hopkins County, one happens upon all kinds of unique individuals, each with their own talent and abilities. One such individual is Lynn Blevins, a native of Ontario, California, who now resides near Lake Fork. By day, Lynn is a carpenter and landscape designer, but his first love is crafting wood. Lynn learned his craft at the feet of his grandfather. "My grandfather was a dry-wall contractor in California, but at night, when he'd come home I'd follow him to his shop and watch every move he made," denoted Blevins. "He taught me how to take the roughest of lumber and wood products and craft them into a work of art. I've done this from the time I was 5 or 6 years old!"

Currently, Blevins is crafting tables using both oak and mahogany wood that originally was used as boxcar flooring. Much of the wood was installed in the train boxcars 50 to 60 years ago, and according to the texture, Blevins states that it was virgin hardwood of the best quality. He takes the strips of wood that are "doweled" together with aluminum dowels and separates each piece, before he begins crafting his designs.

Hours of time is spent making a design for a table, according to Blevins. "I work with the design in my head for a few days until I get it to perfection," states Blevins. "And, if you were to ask me what the next design I was going to do, I couldn't tell you. I have to see the wood and figure what will highlight the texture and quality of the grain. Then, I can tell you what the design that will best utilize the wood will be."

After working with the design and assessing the wood, Blevins begins the process of cutting each individual piece to fit the design. Then, it is hours upon hours of sanding the the wood to obtain a table-top smoothness, before the final product is ready for assembly. Blevins mixes his own wood filler, using sawdust from the original wood to make a perfect match.

"With the proper design and the proper amount of preparation, any wood can be made into an object of beauty," affirms Blevins. "However, both the oak and mahogany have qualities of beauty that are unsurpassed in woodworking. And, when you can blend the two, you have a truly beautiful piece of furniture."

Blevins' tables are sold in specialty shops and antique malls, as well as by custom order. Prices are determined by the size of the table and the number of hours that must be spent to complete the project. Small coffee tables begin at $50.00 and increase in price with the more intricate designs. Dining tables begin at $800.00 and increase when larger pieces are made and with the more detail that is included in the design.

"I would rather visit with the individual customer and assess their particular taste, then use my abilities to design a table to fit their unique desires," affirms Blevins. "That way, they are happy and have a piece of art that they can enjoy for generations."

Blevins seals all of his tables with a marine varnish that is used on ships, thus making it durable and extremely stain resistant.

For custom orders of a beautiful table, Blevins can be reached at (903)383-2705, for an appointment.

by Bobby McDonald
Reprint from original article located here.

More Politically Correct Tips

2007-03-19T15:03:00.000-05:00

My last two posts have been teasingly referenced as politically incorrect/correct or referred to said PC. Most everyone who reads me knows that I tend to be lighthearted in my posts and do not intend to be making a subverted point. (If I've got something to say about a subject, you'll know it). Anyhow, this nice young man went on a rant about Liberals and me pissing him off, etc. all over my "Then & Now" post on Wednesday. Of course, I explained to him that I was not making a political statement and most of us over the age of 35 think this stuff is humorous (We have to laugh about it or sulk and blame someone for our poor traumas) .
Now, here is an opinionated statement from me: Back then - Little Johnny back talks teacher, is sent to the coach who paddles him with a special-for-the-occasion two-inch- thick board with holes drilled into it. Johnny cries, receives more paddling for it, and has horrible bruises on his bottom and legs for weeks. No one says or does a thing about it. Nowadays: MFs better not even think about touching a kid with a board, let alone beat them to bruising. (I'll beat that teacher myself.) (Note to D.: this is the kind of crap I and others my age experienced in school. No one is claiming a political stance, just that there must be a happy medium). Okay now that I've upset myself with this crap and ruined the following supposedly funny post -

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1 She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."

2. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."

3. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."

4. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."

5 . She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."

6. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."

2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."

3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."

4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."

5. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."

6. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE."

Now THIS is Politically Incorrect

2007-03-18T22:06:00.000-05:00

Farmer driving to town has to make a pit stop. He makes it to a stall in the local McD's and was barely sitting down when he heard a voice from the other stall saying: "Hi, how are you?"

Not being the type to start a conversation in the restroom but not knowing what to do, he answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doin' just fine!"

And the other person says: "So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, Farmer Joe Bob is thinking this is too bizarre so he says: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!"

At this point the ole farmer is just trying to get out as fast as he can when he hears another question: "Can I come over?"

Thinkin' "What the f... is wrong with this city boy?." He tells the feller, "Hell no!"

Then he hears the fool say nervously...
"Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's a Redneck idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions."

(In the real word the city feller received an ass whuppin' right after he finished his conversation and he never used his cellular telephone in the restroom again.)

Then & Now

2007-03-15T20:58:00.003-05:00

Scenario: Jack pulls into school parking lot with rifle in gun rack.

1956 - Vice Principal comes over, takes a look at Jack's rifle, goes to his car and gets his to show Jack.

2006 - School goes into lockdown, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.

Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.

1956 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best friends. Nobody goes to jail, nobody arrested, nobody expelled.

2006 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.

Scenario: Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students.

1956 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by Principal. Sits still in class.

2006 - Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Parents get extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.

Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his father's car and his Dad gives him a whipping.

1956 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.

2006 - Billy's Dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. Billy's sister is told by state psychologist that she remembers being abused herself and their Dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has affair with Psychologist.

Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some headache medicine to school.

1956 - Mark shares headache medicine with Principal out on the smoking dock.

2006 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons.

Scenario: Mary turns up pregnant.

1956 - 5 High School Boys leave town. Mary does her senior year at a special school for expectant mothers.

2006 - Middle School Counselor calls Planned Parenthood, who notifies the ACLU. Mary is driven to the next state over and gets an abortion without her parent's consent or knowledge. Mary given condoms and told to be more careful next time.

Scenario: Pedro fails high school English.

1956: Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.

2006 : Pedro's cause is taken up by state democratic party. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he can't speak English.

Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a fire ant bed.

1956 - Ants die.

2006 - BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary, hugs him to comfort him.

1956 - In a short time Johnny feels better and goes on playing.

2006 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison.

(P.S. I may be MIA for a few days as the bunny bit into my laptop AC adapter and my battery has 30% remaining until I go purchase a new power supply.)

Wordless Wednesday

2007-03-14T12:19:00.000-05:00

THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW YOUR CELL PHONE COULD DO

2007-03-14T10:38:00.001-05:00

There are a few things that can be done in times of grave emergencies. Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for survival. Check out the things that you can do with it:

FIRST: The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile is 112. If you find yourself out of the coverage area of your mobile; network and there is an emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly this number 112 can be dialed even if the keypad is locked. Try it out.

SECOND: Have you locked your keys in the car?Does your car have remote keyless entry? This may come in handy someday. Good reason to own a cell phone: If you lock your keys in the car and the spare keys are at home, call someone at home on their cell phone from your cell phone. Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the mobile phone on their end. Your car will unlock. Saves someone from having to drive your keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has the other "remote" for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk). Editor's Note: It works fine! We tried it out and it unlocked our car over a cell phone!"

THIRD: Hidden Battery Power Imagine - your cell battery is very low. To activate, press the keys *3370# your cell will restart with this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. This reserve will get charged when you charge your cell next time.

FOURTH: How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone?To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following digits on your phone:
* # 0 6 # (That's an asterisk before the first #.) A 15 digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe. When your phone gets stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless. You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can't use/sell it either. If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones.And Finally....

FIFTH: Cell phone companies are charging us $1.00 to $1.75 or more for 411 information calls when they don't have to. Most of us do not carry a telephone directory in our vehicle, which makes this situation even more of a problem. When you need to use the 411 information option, simply dial: (800) FREE 411, or (800) 373-3411 without incurring any charge at all. Program this into your cell phone now.

(Disclaimer by editor: I have not tested these.)

One Kind Act Wednesday

2007-03-14T10:03:00.000-05:00

After telling Anne that I would participate in One Kind Act Wednesday, I am at a loss for anything to write. Actually, I have not left the property in about a week and rarely have contact with anyone anymore. Here is my very lame kind act: In trying to sort out an extra charge on a bill, I remained calm and polite despite the rudeness of the customer service representative. I thanked her for her time and hung up the phone.

We Had a Flood

2007-03-13T19:05:00.000-05:00

Pictures outside my back door!

On another note: I am watching Chris Hansen on Dateline NBC (ya know the predator episodes) and this particular show is about the 10 most-notable stings. Laughing aloud at this. NOT because the subject and actions of the blankety-blank-blank-blanks doesn't appall me but because the LOOK on their faces when they are BUSTED! (Especially the ones that undress before Chris confronts them ya gotta laugh at the shock on Chris' face, too when he comes out and sees a pervert in all his tiny manhood). Priceless.

Damn, I wish I was there to beat the living daylights out of the worthless pieces of crap: the firefighter, the doctor, the teacher, the rabbi, the cocksucker.... I wonder, are there women that do this crap? Should Dateline address that? Do they? Oh, they just said they have done 10 investigations and have never busted a woman. One time in Georgia a woman was going to bring her boyfriend with her to meet an underage girl - only the man showed. Everyone in unison: GO NBC AND CHRIS HANSEN - heroes!

There have been numerous spoofs about Chris Hansen. I will not take issue with that despite the attempted and/or successful humor because society as a whole is being informed - get out the message as long as no one is harmed. (I know - it can be a catch 22 with emotional issues but overall I think the messages help.)

Texas Tuesday: Michael Ray Charles

2007-03-13T02:47:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I posted a few photos of collected Negro Memorabilia. The majority of my collection consists of books. While I do have many antique books, I also have modern books. One such artist whose work is collected in the following book

is Michael Ray Charles. (Yes, this cover is one of his works). This handsome young man teaches at University of Texas Austin. His works have been exhibited nationally from little ole Austin, to Chicago, to New York. While he receives many complaints about his stereotypical portrayal of blacks, he receives equal accolades. His work is insightful and stunning. I love him for being so bold - bold in the message he is sending and bold in not shying away. While his work screams without having to speak a word. Although, Michael is originally from Louisiana, we are privileged to have him on loan in Texas! Keep on keeping on, MRC.

A couple of my favorite prints from Michael:

A few of his PRINTS may be viewed on this page - they are shown on the right side of the page.

Congrats Hammer !

2007-03-12T19:58:00.004-05:00

Hammer published his first video today. In congratulatory response, I give you

Now, you know we love ya Hammer!

Do You Love Your Momma?

2007-03-12T16:59:00.002-05:00

Black Memorabilia

2007-03-12T13:26:00.000-05:00

I have collected black memorabilia for a number of years now. No, I am not racist; I just find alot of these things interesting and/or cute. Mom in Minx asked to see some of my collection, so here are a few pieces of my large collection. (Some of these pictures arent' very clear, alas.) Stay tuned for Texas Tuesday when I will display another favorite. I have a large book collection ranging from fictional (Miss Minerva and William Green Hill ) to non-fiction (Negro Legislators of Texas).

This last picture is the back cover of a 1893 Judge magazine. The caption below the picture reads:

BETWEEN TWO LOVES

"Kin any one tall a po' culled man what to do in a case like dis?"

Ten Things I Did As A Kid

2007-03-09T00:35:00.000-06:00

Hammer invited participants to answer Ten Things I Did As A Kid meme. So, here goes.

Between ages 1 - 6

When I was a kid: I wrote my name on every book I owned and carved my name with a knife into an antique dresser.

When I was a kid: I used to walk to elementary school which wasn't far away. One day, on the walk home, the next door neighbor boy kept coming up behind me and putting his hands over my eyes. He did this three times (which is still my limit). I was trying to put my hands over his eyes, he was struggling and I clawed his eye lids pretty badly.

When I was a kid: A teacher wanted to paddle me for saying my ABCs in first grade. She had left the room and told us not to talk while she was gone. After awhile, I started singing the ABC's. Only one other boy joined me. He was paddled with a board and I refused to let her paddle me for saying my ABC's. Even at a young age, I knew I hadn't done anything wrong. Hmm, I wonder where that bitch is now.

When I was a kid: My mother sent me into the house to get scissors so that she could cut roses. I didn't want to do it and probably got a spat on the leg. I went inside, got the scissors and cut my long blonde hair. The next day was pictures at the preschool and I have a funky little short haircut!

When I was a kid: I climbed "like a monkey" (as my parents say). I started walking at 9 months and climbing everything soonafter. Pulling the oven door down and climbing upon it, I could hoist myself upon the kitchen cabinet. Once I got the Draino and rubbed it on the dog and myself.

When I was a kid: Climbing to get into the medicine cabinet, I retrieved the E-lax and gave it to the little boy who was visiting with his parents.

When I was a kid: At just over a year old, I climbed the backyard cyclone fence and ran away. Mother had just stepped inside to grab the telephone and I took off. A neighbor about a block away found me.

When I was a kid: I broke a glass coke bottle over my ankle. My first stitches.

Ages 7 and up

When I was a kid: Mother had me participate in practically every sort of activity possible. Gymnastics, piano lessons, art classes, twirling, dance lessons, etc.

When I was a kid: I wagged my youngest little brother (6 years younger) around as if he were my live baby doll. I also gave him his first and only whipping.

Whew, I almost couldn't stop! I'm sure Mother will have some additions....

Little Buddy

2007-03-09T00:19:00.000-06:00

Friend Tart posted yesterday about Arnie and his Little Buddy, so I thought now might be a good time to post about Little Buddy who is visiting from Brodie Cattle Company. He has been here a few weeks (and probably a few more) to service my girls.

As you can see, Little Buddy ain't so little but he's fairly friendly. Notice that he is pictured with my two bull calves - he seems to like the boys (so far) cause I haven't seen him loving the girls, YET.

This is A Public Service

2007-03-08T09:50:00.000-06:00

Kids, take responsibility for your actions. This video offers suggetions for avoiding trouble.

http://www.glumbert.com/media/policebeat

(Ya gotta love Chris!)

Fencing for Clumsy Idiots

2007-03-07T00:05:00.000-06:00

By Dick's request, here are a couple of pictures, taken yesterday, of my shin that was raped by barbed wire February 24th. Yes, I know I should have gotten stitches, but damn it, I didn't. Probably gonna need a plastic surgeon.... (Oh, and Dick, I measured the length and despite what guys have been telling me about measurements, the wound is a mere 6 inches, not 8, but it is very deep.) Don't ask for the details, cause I'll have to give a cockamamy story.

Yes, I do shave my legs; however, I had to be careful around THAT area! Give me a break!
Okay, Dick, I showed you mine....

Texas Tuesday: Deep In The Heart of Texas

2007-03-06T13:30:00.000-06:00

Do you know the words to "Deep In The Heart of Texas?"

The music was written by Don Swander with lyrics by June Hershey. In 1942, the song made its debut when it was recorded by Perry Como, Hank Thompson, Reba McIntyre, George Strait, Bing Crosby, Alvino Rey, Gene Autry sang the song in "Heart of the Rio Grande" movie and his version may be the most well known.

The stars at night are big an' bright . . .
Deep in the heart of Texas!
The prairie sky is wide an' high . . .
Deep in the heart of Texas!
The sage in bloom is like perfume. . .
Deep in the heart of Texas!
Reminds me of the one I love. . .
Deep in the heart of Texas!

The coyotes wale along the trail . . .
Deep in the heart of Texas!
The rabbits rush around the brush . . .
Deep in the heart of Texas!

The cowboys cry 'Cai Yippi Yi'. . .
Deep in the heart of Texas!
The doggies bawl and' bawl an' bawl . . .
Deep in the heart of Texas!
Deep in the heart of Texas!
Deep in the heart of Texas!

THIS LINK will take you to the UT Band site to listen to their version.

The "Yankee" version involves four claps before each line of "deep in the heart of Texas."

Eva Longoria will be staring in a new movie with the SAME TITLE.

Questions And Answers About Partnerships

2007-03-02T08:53:00.000-06:00

Wife: Honey: " What are You Looking for?"

Husband: "Nothing."

Wife: "Nothing...?? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour."

Husband: "I was just looking 4 the expiration date."

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What is the Difference between Mother & Wife?

One Woman Brings you into this world crying and the other ensures you continue to do so.

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Wife: "Do you want dinner?"

Husband: "Sure, what are my choices?"

Wife: "Yes and no."

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Wife: "You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?"

Husband: "When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears."

Wife: "You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?"

Husband: "Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, What other problem can there be greater than this one

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Girl: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden."

Boy: "It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.

Girl: "Well that's because we aren't married yet."

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Son: "Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."

Mom: "Well, you have done the right thing."

Son: "But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap."

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A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"

"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU the FORTUNE."

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Interviewer to Millionaire: "To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"

Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."

Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"

Millionaire: "Billionaire."

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Girl to her boyfriend: "One kiss and I'll be yours forever."

The guy replies: "Thanks for the warning."

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A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me my pretty face or my sexy body?"

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor."

THE OLD HOLLYWOOD SQUARES GAME

2007-03-01T09:33:00.000-06:00

These great questions and answers are from the days when "Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous and clever. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he's attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Wednesday Whispers

2007-02-28T11:02:00.000-06:00

Take me to the country -

Oh, my little fat belly....

PPP: Loan Consolidation

2007-02-27T12:25:00.000-06:00

I would venture to say that 90% of folks have debt. Luckily, my debts are within my control, but many people are in over their heads and feel overwhelmed living paycheck to paycheck. Other people depend on credit cards and are barely making minimum payments on those debts. Being able to utilize a loan consolidation would be beneficial to many trying to get their finances under control. This is a paid advertisement.

Texas Tuesday: Oldest Father?

2007-02-27T08:00:00.000-06:00

Is Guy Jumper, of Como, the oldest father in Hopkins County this Father's Day? If not, he must be among the very oldest, as he joins that elite group of "centurians," on Wednesday of next week. Born on June 22, 1905, Mr. Guy Jumper has seen a Como and Hopkins County, that only you and I read about in books.

Born on his grandfather, Jefferson Davis Jumper's 300 acre farm, east of Como. Mr. Jumper recalls his grandfather's stories of coming to Texas on a wagon train in approximately 1895. "They left Mississippi looking for some better land and a new start in life. And, Grandpa Jumper (called 'Gosh Darn' Jumper by residents in the Como area) told of how my father, Gus Jumper, was a small boy on the wagon train to Texas and one morning the family went to wake the children in the pre-dawn hours and he was gone. He had sleepwalked during the night and traveled some three miles from the campsite," recalls Guy Jumper. "Grandpa had to unhitch a mule and look in the forest until he found him. He found him curled-up beneath a big oak tree, sound asleep, and he didn't remember a thing!"

Jumper's family moved to Como when the little settlement southeast of Sulphur Springs was known as Carrolls Prairie, and "Mr. Guy" remembers vividly the First National Bank of Como. "I didn't have much money to put in it back then, but I remember it well," denotes Mr. Jumper, with a sly grin. "And, I can remember when there were two drugstores, four or five mercantile stores, and every village of any size had a blacksmith shop or two. Then, I can remember the coal mines that were everywhere in this part of Hopkins County!"

One of Mr. Jumper's first jobs after reaching adulthood was working in those shallow coal mines. "When I was about 18 or 19 years old, I decided that there must be a better way to life than following 'the south-end' of a mule around a cotton patch, so I decided to go to work in the mines," recalls Jumper. "You didn't make over a dollar a day, but a dollar went a whole lot farther then than it does now!"

Following time spent in the mines and when they quit producing in the area, Jumper served four years in the U.S. Army, during World War II. The time he spent stationed in Germany and Italy, are his only times to leave the Como area. He drove an amunition truck during the war.

Jumper is the father of two daughters and two stepsons. He has ten grandchildren, and eight great-grandchildren. "I hope to live long enough to see the next generation," denotes Jumper. "I kinda got started on this 'father thing' late. I was over forty years old, when I married my wife, Agnes, and she had two sons, Carl and Dewayne. Then, we had two daughters, Sherry and Sue!" Agnes Jumper will be 90 in August, but resides in Sunny Springs Nursing Home in Sulphur Springs, due to health problems. However, "Mr. Guy" lives in his home in Como, that he shares with daughter, Sherry Lee. His step-son, Dewayne Scarborough, keeps his lawn mowed and family members are constantly dropping-by to meet his needs and keep him company.

Guy Jumper was the eldest child of Mr. & Mrs. Gus Jumper and was reared on the family farm. He attended school in Como and has two sisters, Mrs. Drucille Johnson and Mrs. Gussie Bays, that are still living. Two brothers, Ned and Dub Jumper, and a sister, Hazel Staples, have passed away. When asked about his longevity, Jumper quipped, "I guess it was all of that 'clean living' I've done!"

However, Jumper has done some mighty dirty work in his almost a century of living. Besides breathing coal dust, he's been a dairy farmer for a number of years, and then worked for 30 plus years at the Thermo Brick Plant. "I've been blessed with health and the ability to work," affirms Jumper. "I may not have gotten rich, but the Good Lord has always kept me comfortable!"

Guy Jumper was a member of the Como Christian Church as long as it met in Como, but due to age doesn't make the drive into Sulphur Springs for services, once the church moved.

When asked what his wish was for Father's Day or a birthday present on Wednesday, Jumper quickly stated, "Well, I guess I could use a new pair of overalls!"

And, when asked how long he'd worn overalls, he reflected, "I guess pert nigh on a hundred years, wouldn't you say? I don't remember when I wasn't wearing overalls!"

Family and friends are invited to drop by the Jumper residence on Wednesday and wish Mr. Guy Jumper a happy one-hundredth birthday. His children request no gifts, just a warm hug and a handshake to this remarkable man, who has spanned the age from writing with a slate to computer technology.

Mr. Guy Jumper waved good-bye from his chair beneath the shade tree in his front yard, and invited me back to visit with him on his hundred and tenth birthday, when he hopes he has a great-great grandchild to "brag" about!

Happy 100th Birthday and Happy Father's Day, Mr. Guy Jumper!

by: Bobby McDonald
Article reprinted from this site initially published June 2005.

Crafty Idea

2007-02-25T13:10:00.000-06:00

Previously I have referenced Mary over at My House is Cuter Than Yours. Recently she has posted a really Jiffy idea.

Where Do Known Predators Live?

2007-02-23T16:27:00.000-06:00

This Family Watch Dog site was developed by John Walsh from Americas Most Wanted. When you visit this site you can enter your address and a map will pop up with your house as a small icon of a house. There will be red, blue and green dots surrounding your entire neighborhood. When you click on these dots a picture of a criminal will appear with his or her home address and the description of the crime he or she has committed. The best thing is that you can show your children these pictures and see how close these people live to your home or school.

PPP: Credit Cards

2007-02-23T15:57:00.000-06:00

Interest rates have steadily been on the rise. This can be a good or bad thing. High rate Certificates of Deposits are definitely good but credit cards with high interest rates are a bad thing. Finding the best rate is why it is essential to compare credit cards compare credit cards. A company in the UK is offering 0% credit cards and 0% balance transfers . These are the types of credit cards I utilize. Right now a have balances on two different credit cards that have a 0% interest rate until 2008. This is so convenient and allows me to pay off debt without having hidden fees. Even better, because my credit rating is so good, I am constantly receiving credit card offers that have a 0% transfer fee and 0% interest rate for an even longer amount of time. Therefore, if I have not paid off one card, I can transfer the remaining amount to another and continue to receive the benefit of no fees. This is a paid advertisement.

The 320 Pound Woman

2007-02-21T09:49:00.000-06:00

The tallest and biggest woman in the world lives in Holland . She is 7'4" and weighs 320 lbs. She's a looker and I bet she always gets her way!

Ed Addition: Actually, this is not the tallest woman as you can see HERE

PPP: Light Fixtures

2007-02-21T00:53:00.000-06:00

Unless you have had bad lighting fixtures in a room, you probably have not really noticed. Even with a new home, the lighting can be less than sufficient. It is hard to read a book at night with just a standard ceiling fixture.. Apply makeup in a bathroom lighting situation that is less than adequate. Horrible experiences. Also, nothing is worse than an ugly light fixture that you look at every day. Do not forget outdoor home and garden lighting. The ambiance and ability to walk without tripping is important. Consider purchasing new Light Fixtures and make life easier.

This is a paid advertisement.

Painted Cats Part III

2007-02-21T00:30:00.000-06:00

Again, as promised, here are more pictures of "tortured cats." I have seen beautifully marked kitties in their natural state, but these painted ones just take the cake. Again, these are not photoshopped. The cats are actually painted by an artist - a very BRAVE artist!

PPP:Blog Marketing

2007-02-21T00:16:00.000-06:00

I began blog marketing at PayPerPosts a few months ago. While some of my readers may consider the PayPerPosts informative, others may consider it an inconvenience. It is a must that you disclose you are being paid for advertising. The beginning requirement of PayPerPost is that one have a blog in existence 90 days or more and that posts are fairly frequent (at least once a week). Payment was/is fairly minimal $3 to $10 per post, but, heh, if you are posting everyday, why not earn some dinero? While my blog has just reached a PR of 3, I am still limited on some of the higher paying opportunities. However, I know that some of my readers have a large fan base. With a higher Google rating, you can make up to $1,000 per post! What are you waiting for? If you blog evey day there is no reason not to jump right in and add an advertisement of your choice. How much easier could it be to make a few bucks doing what you already do? PayPerPost has become a very popular site for making money blogging. In addition, it is very cost-efficient for advertisers to get the word out about their products. I highly recommend joining this group – and, hey, be sure and tell them NoMas referred you – I would love to earn a referral fee.

Woman's Poem

2007-02-21T00:10:00.000-06:00

He didn't like the casserole
And he didn't like my cake.
He said my biscuits were too hard...
Not like his mother used to make.
I didn't perk the coffee right
He didn't like the stew,
I didn't mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and smacked the shit out of him...
Like his mother used to do.

Okay - i was gonna add a picture of someone's face being slapped. Hm, came up with some very nasty stuff. Go ahead and let your imaginations run wild - those are exactly what my search turned up. However, i did find this Slapped Face Syndrome .

More Kitty Pictures

2007-02-20T11:00:00.000-06:00

As promised, part two of painted kitty photos. They seem to get more elaborate. Of course, looking at the owners pictured with their kitty, one can sympathize with kitty! Yikes!

PPP: Encyclopedia Project

2007-02-20T10:54:00.000-06:00

Work from home provides numerous vendor opportunities. I have always loved plants and pride myself in being able to grow practically anything. A New York based internet company, Bonsai Boy of New York, offers quality dwarf trees. Being a family run business, they are able to sell trees and other accessories at reasonable rates. The miniature sizes of bonsai trees make them ideal for any space. In fact, you can have many of these trees even in a small apartment.
This is a paid advertisement.

Texas Tuesday: Dixie or Yankee?

2007-02-20T09:30:00.001-06:00

Yankee Test (Test is based on research by the Harvard Computer Society enhanced by Dr. Beard's own research at alphaDictionary. )

This is interesting! I would love to know what your score indicates.

My Results:

"96% Dixie. Is General Lee your grandfather?!"

PPP: RayBan Sunglasses

2007-02-19T11:48:00.000-06:00

RayBans at BestBuyEyeglasses.com is a great site in which to order designer RayBan sunglasses. A very wide selection is available. In fact they offer 130 different pairs of RayBans. In addition glasses can be ordered with prescription lenses. Prices are so reasonable that they are practically half off retail. This site has even been featured in The Wall Street Journal. Look sharp today in a cool new pair of RayBans!
This is a paid advertisement.

Painted Kitty

2007-02-19T11:40:00.000-06:00

Wow, some people will go to extremes with their animals! Why someone would do this to their kitty is beyond me but it is interesting. Obviously the artist has talent. Who could hold a kitty down to paint it without getting their eyes scratched out!??

(I have many of these photos and will be posting more in the days to come.)

PPP: Electronica Artists

2007-02-19T11:32:00.000-06:00

Every genre of music has always appealed to me. Austin, Texas is known for being the Music Capitol of the World and this has afforded me the opportunity to hear a variety of bands. Now logging in to Electronica Artists allows one to hear unsigned musicians and for artists to profile themselves and their music in order to be heard. This is a great site for those struggling musicians that do not have unlimited funds to travel the world performing gigs. Also, it is beneficial to music lovers who are tired of hearing the same songs over and over on the radio. Have a listen. You might just discover a new group to love.

This is a paid advertisement.

How Do You Treat Others?

2007-02-19T09:00:00.000-06:00

I received this email and although it is an oldie, we can all use a refresher course! Luckily for me, my readers are kind-hearted folks that probably taught some of these lessons. Thank y'all for being such good people - enjoy.

First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady

During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions until I read the last one:

What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"

Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall,dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name?

I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank.

Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.

"Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say "hello."

I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.

Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain

One night, at 11:30 P.M., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride.

Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.

A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960s.

The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab.

She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him.

Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home.

A special note was attached.

It read: "Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away... God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others." Sincerely, Mrs. Nat King Cole.

Third Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and at at a table.

A waitress put a glass of water in front of him.

"How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked.

"Fifty cents," replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled is hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.

"Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired.

By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient.

"Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied.

The little boy again counted his coins. "I'll have the plain ice cream," he said.

The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away.

The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left.

When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table.

There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickles and five pennies.

You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.

Fourth Important Lesson. - The obstacle in Our Path

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock.

Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road.
After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded.

After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway.

The peasant learned what many of us never understand!

Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.

Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts...

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness.

The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister.

I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes I'll do it if it will save her."

As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheek.

Then his face grew pale and his smile faded.

He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away?"

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.

PPP: Coupon Chief

2007-02-18T15:11:00.002-06:00

This is a paid advertisement.

I have written about online deals previously. Being out in the country, sometimes it is just more prudent to shop online. Of course, saving money with online shopping is beneficial to people in town, as well. Everyone loves a bargain. Coupon Chief offers hundreds of coupons to save you money. Loving to read, I especially like being able to receive a discount on magazines at Best Deal Magazines . With reasonable prices, I merely add a coupon for even more savings than regular book store prices. Minus the cost of gasoline, I definitely come out ahead. Check out Coupon Chief and see how much value for your money you will receive.

Greatest love story in Hunt County

2007-02-18T09:24:00.000-06:00

Ed Note: A touching story -

By TRACY CHESNEY
Herald-Banner Staff

He tucks her into bed every night, and every morning, he has a fresh cup of coffee waiting for her when she wakes up.

Because she’s in the advanced stages of Alzheimer’s, she can’t do anything for herself. She can’t get up or down from her chair or her bed without assistance. She can only walk to the bathroom with the assistance of her walker. And she needs help with all of her personal hygiene care.

He didn’t have the heart, however, to put her in a nursing home, but he had the heart to keep her by his side forever “even if it meant wearing pink underwear.”

Elmer and Geraldine Yates of Cash will be married 60 years in May. They were chosen as the winners of the Herald-Banner’s “The Greatest Love Story in Hunt County” contest, because of Elmer’s unconditional love for his wife.

As the winners of the contest, the couple received gifts from several local merchants including Angel’s Dream Bed and Breakfast, Calico Cat and Mary of Puddin Hill.

When Geraldine was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s six years ago, Elmer could have put her in a nursing home. Instead, he gave up his freedom to care for his wife 24 hours a day.

“It’s depressing to walk into the homes and see people sitting in their wheelchairs reaching out to you,” Elmer said. “I’m not downgrading nursing homes; I just didn’t feel it was the right thing for us. Besides, I would miss her if she was gone.”

“Plus, he wouldn’t get any rest if she was in a home,” his daughter, Ann Shepherd, added.

Geraldine had a brain aneurysm in June 2000, and when she came home from the hospital, she needed extra care.

“Soon after, the dementia and Alzheimer’s began, and again my dad was there for her,” Ann said. “In the last six years, Mother has been hospitalized many times. She had two strokes within a week, and last year, she had a stint placed in one of her arteries and gall bladder surgery.

“She now needs 24-hour-care, seven days a week, and my dad is still there doing most of it himself.”

Elmer, a retired painter and construction worker, admits that his wife used to do it all. Now, Elmer has learned how to do everything. He does all the housework including doing the laundry three times a week, cooking two meals a day and paying the bills.

“My dad has never been a cook, cleaner or organizer,” Ann said. “I still laugh at the first load of laundry he did. They wore pink underwear for a good while. And his cooking, let’s just say laundry was his strong point.”

Elmer chuckled when he recalled his first experience with washing clothes.

“I had never done laundry before she got sick and hadn’t done much as far as housekeeping,” Elmer said. “At church one day, a lady overheard Ann talking about me washing my underwear with a pink blouse and how it turned my underwear pink.

“A few weeks later, another lady came up to me at church and asked me what color of underwear was I wearing today.”

Elmer said he now has more appreciation for the ladies who do all the housework.

“I don’t think they get enough credit,” he said, chuckling. “It’s hard when you have to keep up with everything. It’s a job.”

Since Geraldine requires constant care, Elmer can never leave her side except when extra help arrives. Ann comes over on Wednesdays to care for her mother so her father can go do the grocery shopping and errands. She comes over again on Sunday mornings so her dad can go to church.

“We’re homebound,” Elmer said. “Most of my days are spent inside. In the summers, though, while she’s sleeping, I can go outside and mow and do yard work.”

Elmer reminisced about the early days and said they courted about a year before they got married. Their first date was what Elmer referred to as a picture show or a drive-in theater.

When Elmer was asked if they did any smooching at the drive-in, he laughed and said, “Well, that’s what drive-ins were for.”

When Geraldine was asked what attracted her to her husband she said, “I guess it was love at first sight,” which was one of her only comments during the interview.

“What attracted me to her was that we had a lot of things in common and we did a lot of things together,” Elmer said.

Elmer said the best part of his life was when they were raising a family. The couple has three children, Ann Shepherd and Robert and Jerry Yates; three grandchildren and three great-grandchildren.

“Her best qualities were that she was always there for me, always backed me in whatever I was doing, and she was very independent.

“She had her own way of doing things, and I appreciated that."

“Her personality has changed, but not drastically. She can remember long-term but can’t remember short-term things.”

Once the Alzheimer’s set in, Elmer said there seem to be some things missing in his life.

“Before all this, it was the company we had with each other, the discussions, the talking,” he said. “That’s kind of quieted down. I miss going places, and now, there’s a loneliness and emptiness.”

Elmer was recently asked to speak at his church on how his marriage has survived for almost 60 years.

“I hold to the vow that was made, and I feel pretty strong about that,” he said. “That’s part of it, but not the main thing. It’s the bond we share. I still love her, and some days, it’s stronger than others.”

Ann nominated her parents for “The Greatest Love Story” contest but didn’t tell her parents about it until she got the call that they were the winners.

“When someone wants to tell a love story, they often think of words like candlelight, roses and moonlit walks,” Ann said. “While I used to think that too, I now know what a true love story is.

“The best thing a dad can do for his children is to love their mother, and I know that my dad loves my mom unconditionally. When I think of a love story now, I think of words like compassion, consideration, patience, encouragement and eternal.”

Elmer was asked if he thought they had the greatest love story.

“You could say that,” he said. “But there are others out there that have greater stories. But to us, it’s our story.” Throughout their marriage, Elmer has had a tradition of picking out the prettiest, fanciest card for his wife for every occasion.

“I try to pick out cards that relate to us, the part she’s played in our lives and to remind her of what she’s done throughout the years.

“The only thing, however, is that I don’t sign the cards. I used to sign the cards, ‘It’s from me.’ I’ve always told her, however, that I don’t sign them because she knows who they’re from.”

Although Elmer struggles every day caring for his wife, he has no plans of putting her in a home.

“As long as I’m healthy as I am now, I’ll probably never put her in a home.”

Today is Valentine’s Day, but it’s also Wednesday, the only day that Elmer is able to get out of the house. So today, Elmer will be out at the store picking out the prettiest Valentine’s Day card he can find.

“It’s not that I’m waiting until the last minute; it’s the only time I can get out.”

So, tonight, when the lights are turned down low, Elmer will be tucking his wife into bed. Displayed on the nightstand will be the prettiest Valentine’s Day card ever. It will tell of a lifetime full of meaning, but it will be unsigned, because she knows who it’s from.When Geraldine wakes up in the morning, she’ll have two things waiting for her — a fresh cup of coffee and a husband who will always stand by her side.

PPP: Dress Up Games & Cartoon Dolls

2007-02-18T09:00:00.000-06:00

This is a paid advertisement.

I love to dress up yet I rarely have the opportunity to do so living on the farm. Frilly blouses and high heels with diamond and gold bracelets make me feel all girly! Now, I can play dress up on the internet. The Dress Up Games web site allows me to customize any figure. With the doll maker, first I choose a figure then I can opt for practically any outfit or accessory. The options are virtually unlimited. Figures range from cartoon to cuties. There are even figures that the guys will like. Outfits range from ball gowns to punk styles. Additional choices are earrings, stockings, hats, bracelets, handbags, and hair adornments. My favorite coordinating accessories are the shoes. A girl can never have enough shoes! They have boots, sneakers, heels and all the latest styles to choose from. I must not forget the hairstyles. Yes, you can even design your figure’s hair style and hair color. There are many to fit your style. Another favorite use for these figures is to create an avatar for your own website. The fashion games allow one to play on this site all day. Next time my niece visits, I will turn her on to this site with games for girls. She will have a blast and so will you!

Stupid Boy by Keith Urban

2007-02-17T10:04:00.000-06:00

I heard this song performed by Keith urban on the Today show. It hits me right at home cause it is exactly how I feel at this stage in my life, except I still feel so beaten down, I haven't been able to fly - YET. It is a beautiful song.
Well, she was precious like a flower
She grew wild, wild but innocent
A perfect prayer in a desperate hour
She was everything beautiful and different

Stupid boy, you can't fence that in
Stupid boy, it's like holding back the wind
She let her heart and soul right in your hands
And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans
She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens
When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't
Stupid boy, stupid boy
Oh

So what made you think you could take a life
And just push it push it around
I guess you build yourself up so high
You had to take her and break her down

She let her heart and soul right in your hands
And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans
She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens
When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't
You stupid boy

Oh, you always had to be right but now you've lost
The only thing that ever made you feel alive
Yeah, yeah

Well, she let her heart and soul right in your hands
And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans
Yes, ya did
She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens
When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't
You stupid boy, oh, I'm the same old
Same old stupid boy

It took awhile for her to figure out she could run
But when she did, she was long gone
Long gone, long gone
Ah, she's gone

Nobody's ever gonna love me like she loved me
And she loved me, she loved me
God please, just let her know
I'm sorry, I'm sorry
I'm sorry, I'm sorry
Baby, yeah, I'm down on my knees
She's never coming back to me

PPP: Millionaire Dating Site

2007-02-16T17:50:00.000-06:00

This is a paid advertisement. I’ve dated plenty of guys for the mere attraction. Unfortunately they all seem to want me to be the payee. Just for once, I’d like to date a guy who will carry his share. How to find that guy? There seem to be hundreds of dating sites. Every day I see advertisements on television for this, that or the other dating service. Love and admiration fade, so why not date someone who can offer you more? At this Millionaire Dating Service you no longer have to worry about dating a financial loser. While money isn’t everything, why not enjoy the benefits of privilege while getting to know someone special?

New Blog Friend

2007-02-16T10:22:00.000-06:00

Recently, I have been lurking at this lady's blog S Nicolas Originals. Besides her wonderful stories, she is an awesome artist - making the most delectable dolls. Go visit her.

What Famous Leader Are You?

2007-02-16T10:15:00.000-06:00

I am Ghandi!

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Friday Feast

2007-02-16T09:08:00.000-06:00

Appetizer : What sound, other than the normal ringing, would you like your telephone to make?

wind rustling through the trees

Soup : Describe your usual disposition in meteorological terms (partly cloudy, sunny, stormy, etc.).

the calm before a tornado or hurricane

Salad : What specific subject do you feel you know better than any other subjects?

calming an animal and taking care of pet injuries

Main Course : Imagine you were given the ability to remember everything you read for one entire day. Which books/magazines/newspapers would you choose to read?

a book on plant identity such as Herbs for Texas

Dessert : If a popular candy maker contacted you to create their next confection, what would it be like and what would you name it?

a now defunct Texas winery, Hill Country Cellars, made a dark chocolate ball filled with their wonderful port wine. i would bring those back to life and call them Chocolate Bombshells.

Still Internet Problems

2007-02-15T10:23:00.000-06:00

Well, I had pretty good connectivity for about 3 days. Now I am having trouble again. Prism.net had taken down their satillite tower and rebuilt it. Something happened to it during the ice storm. Obviously they are still having quirks. Therefore, my excuse for being lax in commenting, etc.

Name the Bunny

2007-02-14T18:09:00.000-06:00

This is my new rescued bunny.

The story: Sunday, a neighbor (retired college professor from Georgetown, Texas) stopped by while I was painting the front gate. He was trying to pawn off Redbone Hounddog puppies. There was a bucket- full of 7 five- week-old pups that weighed about 12 pounds each (BIG puppies, but so cute). While I was giving him a scolding for breeding dogs since there are so many homeless pets, I noticed he had a bunny in a cage on his fla- bed trailer. Upon asking him why the bunny was freezing in a cage, he replied that he bought the cage and bunny at auction and just wanted the cage. "I'm going to let the rabbit loose in the pasture." Well I couldn't have that. So I told the idiot I would take the bunny. He is fairly friendly considering the torture he went through. I can pet him and he plays with my cat.

Let's play NAME THE BUNNY! (I am thinking something Valentiney like Archer, Valentino, Chip - as in chocolate), but that also seems corney so I need help!!!

Chocolate Favorites

2007-02-14T12:42:00.000-06:00

Here are two fun, chocolate treats for all occasions (anyone is welcome to provide me with either today):

Darling handbags and shoes made of chocolate :

AND

Breasteses (sorry no photo)

They are decadent. They are perky and sweet. They come in pairs, melt in your mouth, and when you're finished, you're not quite satisfied. Don't worry, it's not just you. Breasteses have that effect on everyone. The melty, chocolatey goodness is the culinary creation of one Lois M. Rodriguez, mistress of the baked goods. Chocolate-covered chocolate cake delectably gives way to a creamy whipped chocolate mousse center. And a sweet perky raspberry to top it off and give it a Breasteses appeal. The treats can occasionally be found in the refrigerated section at Nueva Onda. There's no wrong way to get a mouthful of Breasteses. Nueva Onda, 2218 College Ave., Austin, Texas 447-5063 www.nuevaaustin.com

(I'd love to make these Breasteses!)

Antique Valentines

2007-02-14T09:21:00.000-06:00

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

Texas Tuesday: Old Sayings

2007-02-13T00:45:00.000-06:00

from THE HERALD BANNER, Greenville, Texas

Gaining insight from old sayings
By James Conrad

Old-timers in Hunt County had a unique way of condensing an aphorism or truism into a short, pithy saying.

Today historians and folklorists study these sayings for the insight that they provide for understanding values and folk traditions.

For some unexplained reasons many of these antique expressions exhibited hostility to man’s best friend, the dog. A case in point is this saying: “There ‘s always other ways of killing a dog than chocking him with butter.” Part of the secret of these sayings is interpreting their meaning into contemporary wording. In this case, the saying probably conveys the thought that there are always less expensive and more efficient ways of doing something. A modern day version of this is “There are many ways of skinning a cat.”

Another saying that was popular that used dogs were: “Enough is enough and too much is dog bait (scraps)” Here the meaning is that too much of anything has little value. To describe a low down, low life individual, an old-timer would say: “He is worse than an eye sucking dog.” This saying had currency when farm families used chickens to lay eggs for family table and for sale. Snakes might get into the hen house eggs, but only a misfit dog would suck eggs in the hen house.

The saying that “two moves are as good as fire,” comes from the time that the sharecropper often moved from one farm to another. Every move of a tenant farmer meant that something got left behind either by accident or lack of room in the wagon to carry to the new farmstead. December or January tended to be the time of the year after the crops had been harvested and sold, that tenants would leave if they were going to leave a place. For some this was an annual event, so much that that it was said that as the family started loading up the furniture and clothes onto the family wagon that the “chicken crossed their legs and the cows began to head up.” In those days, a farmer wife tied the legs of chicken to carry them in the wagon.

“All wool and a yard wide,” was a way of saying something nice about a person or an object. Roamey Williams, from Wolfe City, vividly explained the expression: “My father agreed to buy an unseen cow and calf from Tom Denney. I told him that was a good way to get cheated. But my father said that no man would get cheated from buying from Denney. When we bought the cow from him, she proved highly satisfactory and that is when I learned that some people are “all wool and a yard wide.” This saying, I am sure, derives from the high value placed on pure wool in the days before machine operated textile mills.

Another expression that is still used is “the latch string is always out.” In the pioneer days of log cabins, the doors had latches and latch string instead of locks and bolts. The latch string hung outside the front door and was attached to the latch inside the house. By pulling the string you could unlatch the door. If the homeowner did not want unwelcome visitors, he simply pulled the string inside the front door and pulled the curtains across the windows.

Sayings might be lengthier than a short phrase in the explanation of the difference between britches and pants and between fiddle and a violin. “If britches cost more than a dollar and half, they were pants. If a fiddle cost more than $3 it became a violin.”

Conrad is archivist and oral historian at Texas A&M University-Commerce.

Tired of Feeling Used?

2007-02-12T18:57:00.000-06:00

Everyone feels taken advantage of at some point. Whether it is non-reciprocation of feelings or users bumming money (as in Hammer's case).
I discovered Blu Jewel's blog today and her post of February 2nd is very uplifting, in addtition to reflecting my mood of late. I borrowed this from her and truly hope she doesn't mind - go check out her site! She's gonna be my new read! Thank you Blu.

Blu's post verbatim:

I lifted this from Honey Libra

Expecting life to treat you well because you're a good person; is like expecting an angry bull not to charge you because you're a vegetarian.--Shari R. Barr

When I read this I first laughed, but then the reality of it set in as being completely true. I'm one of those people who'll do just about anything for anyone without wanting anything in return. I've always been told it's a good quality trait to have; however, I've sometimes found it to work to my disadvantage because people have tended to take advantage of me and/or my kindness. Nowadays I'm a little less willing to over extend myself for a few reasons:

1. Because it's simply not healthy

2. It's exhausting to be nice/kind all the time because it can compromise my own happiness

3. Because sometimes it would be nice to have an action reciprocated

Cashing the reality check was as much needed as my vegetarian ass being charged by the bull. All that aside, I still tend to be a good person, not because I want to be treated in the same fashion I treat others, but simply because that's the type of person I am. I'm not going to go from zero to bitch faster than a Porsche because someone said or did something I don't like. Life consists of shitty things and shitty people and just because I'm a good person, doesn't mean others are. Some people are inherently bad and there's little anyone can do to change them.

My humble opinion is this; if you're a good person, be proud of that. Don't expect others to appreciate or reciprocate it. Do what you do because you wanted to and call it a day.

Valentine Preparations

2007-02-12T15:54:00.000-06:00

THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, BUT THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.

I thought that I could love no other --
that is until I met your brother.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes --
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "Go to hell."

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.